My (Monster?) Hero Life

Chapter 184: Vaskra's Inner Mind

Vaskra glided over the few remaining survivors of the heroes that had been guarding the colossus. Her Wind Blade shredded them to ribbons securing the safety of her troops that had already landed and were finishing off their own individual battles. The heroes were of no particular threat, mostly because they had expended all of their mana in keeping the colossus under control.

As Vaskra landed, she could hear a quarrel going on between a few of her orcs. 'Trust it to be them! What the hell has happened now!' She thought angrily as she wheeled her way towards them across the rough land.

"I told you it wasn't me! Don't you dare call me Shizran!" Shizran declared angrily towards his fellow orcs.

"Oh, so a random streak of shit just happened to float past between you, and I did it? Like it just so happened to think that it looked like a nice day to spread its wings and go for a quick flight? Why even deny it? The evidence is right there on that hole in your arse!"

"Everybody has a hole in their arse you fucking idiot! That doesn't prove anything!"

Vaskra slapped her own face when she heard this. She knew that Rigrut, ahem. Sorry, Shizran was not the brightest of the bunch and only thought with his weapon. By that, she means the hammer between his legs and not the axe in his hands. However, this was a new level of stupidity, even for him.

Obviously, they talked about the hole in his pants and not the hole where the offending substance had come from. However, this subtlety was completely lost on this particularly blunt orc. Realising what the problem was Vaskra lost any interest in getting involved. It was better for these things to be settled within their own tribes. That and she had no intention of listening to others talking shit.

Instead, she made her way over to unconscious colossus and studied its features. Of particular interest to her was the tentacled stone beard that had hand's the size of a baby's on it. 'How did they subdue such a creature?' Vaskra wondered as she looked at its sheer size. She blushed as her line of sight caught a hell of a sight to behold. It was another type of rock hard tentacle that the giant had on his body.

'Yeah, I think that's a little too big for my tastes.' She thought as she tore her gaze away from it. Kace's toned and warm body was still the only one for her! Vaskra pondered whether it was better to wait for the giant to awaken or to take a piece of its body and head into the caves right now. There was no telling how often this thing had to be tranquillised. For all, she knew it could be a few days before he next woke up!

'Ah, fuck it! It's better to ask for forgiveness than to ask for permission, right?' This was the code that Vaskra lived by for almost every aspect of her life. So far, it had worked out for her. For instance, if she had asked Kace to share his bed, she was confident that he would have said no. Instead, she got to enjoy herself by just hopping in while he was sleeping, and all she had to do was ask for forgiveness. No, wait. She never actually got around to the part, eh? 

Oh well. It all worked out fine in the end. Vaskra summoned the sharpest blade she could manage from the air before slicing off a sizeable chunk from what she assumed was one of the giant's fingers. She quickly stuffed it inside her blanket so that if it woke up, it would not be offended in any way. She could always just blame the heroes. What a convenient excuse!

Vaskra eyed the literal stone snake in the grass once more before making off towards her group. 'Hopefully, he won't be too pissed when he wakes up!' She said he this time because well, she had confirmed it with her own eyes. It seemed like the orcs' argument was finally over with and Shizran had not so gracefully accepted his defeat. He was moping while banging his head against a tree.

Yes, this time she literally meant his head and not his hammer for once. Vaskra got a slight chill down her spine as if thousands of people were judging her at this moment. 'What's so wrong about being a strong, independent woman who knows what she wants? Eh?' She had no idea who she was directing this complaint towards, but she somehow felt that her dirty thoughts were the reason for her chill just now.

As the group gathered around her, she did a quick headcount. It seemed like they had lost a single orc and two goblins in this assault. Those numbers were actually pretty good by all accounts. Especially since the orc was not actually dead. Just injured from being unable to see where he was landing due to an SFO (Shitty Flying Object). Unfortunately, the poor orc had crash-landed directly on top of a hero's spear. Making 'him' into a 'her'.

Surprisingly the orcs as a race were very progressive in matters such as this. They saw the world in a very unique way due to how their brains work. In this case, they made it a point in their tribes that so long as its a hole its meant to be filled. Unsurprisingly Vaskra half wished that she had been an orc. It would feel so liberating. On the other hand, she would not be the stunning beauty that she is right now. Her wrinkles and saggy skin were pure perfections!

'So then, why does Kace seem to have no interest in me? It's not like he'll ever find anyone who can match me!' Vaskra sighed as she thought about all the time she would be able to spend in his bed again very soon. 'Oh, right! Just one more night and we'll officially be married!'

The smile that crept across her face disgusted all the monsters looking at her. Even Shizran was counted amongst this group, so that was saying something