The Black Swan Behind (Beauty of Fire)

198 Strange Feeling

Emma snorted, “That’s because we thought of something called Fashion. Looks like you need a lot to get used to women. Won’t get married in the future?” wearing the coat which was so big it looked like a blanket to her.

“I think it’s enough just from you that I can tell everything about women. It’s annoying, troublesome, and noisy. Did I ever say that I wanted to get married anyway?”

Emma’s eyebrows rose, “You don’t want to?”

Levi shook his head, “Marriage is a big responsibility, especially if you’d have kids. Those two things will make you have to be careful about many things for the rest of your life.”

Emma mused, “Well.. guess you kind of right. But it doesn’t as terrible as you said.”

“Just so you know. It is that terrible. When you get married, you have to be responsible to your partner. And when you have children, the burden of responsibility you feel will be a hundred times over. Just imagine that the future of a human depends on you. What you did when they were little will have an impact on their future. Isn’t that terrifying?” Levi asked.

Even though she couldn’t see Levi’s face clearly in the darkness of the barn, Emma could still see the glint in his two grey eyes. It seemed there were two things that made Levi have such a thought. First, he had a very difficult childhood that made him hurt until he became an adult. Second, he had a happy childhood that made him realize that his success now was the result of the support from his parents.

“I remember you told me that your childhood was not very pleasant,” Emma said.

“I did? I don’t even remember that,” Levi smirked faintly. It was a strange feeling when someone could remember everything he had ever said. Maybe from now on, he needed to be more careful in telling Emma things.

.....

“What we went through in childhood might be what made us who we are today. Childhood is indeed important. But in the end, when you have grown up and become free human beings, you are the one who determines your own path in life.” Emma said.

Then she took a deep breath, “During my journey here, I saw a lot of events. Whether it was happy or sad. I will always use the mistakes and experiences of people’s lives as a lesson for myself. But that all made me realise that so many people out there walked through their childhood with a scar on their hearts. But, in the end, they were the ones who choose what they will become. Some choose to use the wound as power and some make the wound as an obstacle in reaching their dreams. In my opinion, it all depends on the path you choose in the end.”

Levi looked at the girl who was looking up. He also looked up at the roof and realized that there were open cracks in the roof. It allowed them to peek a little at the star-strewn sky, “What are you staring at?”

“If you ask my eyes, I’m seeing lines of stars. But if you ask my soul, I’m seeing a bright future.” She smiled. “The reason I came to Handway City was to realize my dream. Even though I have many problems and obstacles now, I will never give up. I will make all these obstacles become a new power for me. Until when my dream is achieved, I will appreciate it so much because I know how expensive I had to pay for it.”

Levi smiled as looking up at the same sky, “That’s an interesting mindset. Then how about you? Do you want to get married? I don’t think your childhood was that best either,”

“My childhood was a mess. Even now, I feel like I don’t have a family to come home to. But that won’t make me afraid to have a family and children of my own. If I didn’t get what I wanted from my parents, then I’ll be a parent who will give everything the best for my children. I will prove that not all children should be growing up with scars on their hearts. Even though I know that I am not perfect, I can’t say ‘No’ to things that I haven’t tried to do. For me, people who give up before trying are losers.”

“Do you see me as a loser?” Levi asked quietly without taking his eyes off the twinkling stars through the gaps in the wood.

“I wouldn’t judge you any more than this, Levi. It’s up to you what you want to be. But I’m sure that what you choose is what you think is best for you.” Then Emma lowered her face and looked at Levi. The man also lowered his gaze and looked back at Emma. “Because I don’t know how big your scar is,”

“It’s huge and incurable. Unfortunately,” Levi replied with a gloomy face but he covered with a lopsided smile.

Emma smiled faintly, “And you hide it very well,”

“Should I be proud?” Levi asked again.

“Do you feel that way?” Emma turned the question.

Levi fell silent and stared straight ahead, at the dark wooden wall, “I don’t know.”

It was a long night. The two of them had to survive the night without eating or drinking. They had checked the warehouse together but could not find water or any other way out. Instead of wasting more energy, Emma and Levi decided to return to their place to rest.

Maybe because they were tired so there was no more fighting between the two people, or.. the circumstance that made them reluctant to do it? Wasn’t it when you were stuck alone with someone, then like it or not, you have to be friends with that person? Work together to survive by giving strength to each other because, in the end, no one wanted to be alone.

The wind was blowing harder. Not a single bar of signal had appeared on their cell phone which had become useless other than to be a flashlight. Emma’s teeth chattered. A gust of colder wind entered through the cracks in the wood and the roof of the barn which was full of big holes.

“Looks like you’ve reached your limit,” Levi said as looking at Emma whose body was shaking while pulling his coat up to her chest.

Emma went awry because if she lifted the fake blanket, half her bare legs would be exposed and become a feast of cold air. She chuckled lightly, “It seems I’ve been too arrogant lately. My body hasn’t been challenged to any torture in a quite long time.”

“You talk like a warrior who once trained at the foot of a mountain.” Levi laughed.

Emma couldn’t help but laugh back. Yet in her heart, she confirmed that she had indeed practised martial art on the mountain. Levi seemed to have underestimated her too much.

“Hei! What the hell are you doing?!” Emma exclaimed by pushing her back forward when she felt Levi’s damn arm suddenly slip behind her shoulder.

“You’re cold, right? I’m trying to be a gentleman. Is this an act of harassment?” Levi asked.

“What?” Emma gave a questioning look. Then she felt Levi’s arm wrap around her shoulder while he shifted his body closer. Just by that, the heat from his body immediately could be felt by her.

“Tell me, dirty-minded girl. Is this called an act that demeans women?” Levi asked. “I don’t know if a man should do something like this to a weak girl who’s almost frozen. But this just naturally popped into my head. I guessed it’s a male instinct.”

Hearing Levi’s words made Emma instantly laugh, “What are you talking about? Are you an animal? A male instinct?” Emma laughed as she shook her head, “What kind of joke is that?”

“Maybe it’s an undiscovered theory. And I found it first,” He said flatly.

“Right.. Just joke all you want.” Emma replied.

Suddenly, Emma’s stomach growled loudly. The two of them were stunned for a moment before chuckling together.

“Apparently, not being cold anymore makes my hunger appear,” Emma said. Then she remembered that she had put a packet of candy that she had moved from her bag into her coat pocket. “I knew bringing candy in the pocket would someday help me stay alive.” she laughed proudly as she took out the caramel candy. She got the idea from a Survival show on TV.

Emma took out two candies from the opened packet. Then she ate one piece and gave the other to Levi, “For you,”

Levi raised an eyebrow, “You only have two. Just take them all.”

“Precisely because it’s only two. That’s why I’m giving one to you.”

“I thought you were hungry?” Levi said again with a glance at the candy that was still floating in front of his face.

Emma sighed impatiently, “So you’re feeling uneasy for me right now? I am hungry. But that doesn’t mean you aren’t. It’s better if two people’s stomachs are filled even a little than one person is full and the other is starving.”

Levi was stunned. Then his hand slowly took the candy that was wrapped in waxed paper. He stared at it for a while until Emma snorted, “Should I throw it into your mouth?”

Levi glanced at Emma who was leaning against his body sarcastically. He did not answer but put it into his mouth and chewed it. Had he been too selfish all this time? Or was it this girl named Emma who was too naive?

Sacrificing for someone else he didn’t even know well was a strange mindset. Emma was willing to share the little sweets even though she obviously knew that she only had two and her stomach was starving. She sacrificed for others even though she knew what the consequences of that useless kindness would be.

Everything Emma did was new to Levi. Was it because Emma had always lived well since she was little? Levi felt foreign to it, even to his own feelings now.