Tales From the Terran Republic

Chapter 159: Intermission: Hell Hath No Fury Like a Bunny Traced

[Tavern UNDEFINED]

Bunny looked up from Evangeline with annoyance.

“Interpol,” she said as an ear twitched, “Would you mind telling me why I just lost two proxies?”

“I thought you said you stopped!” Terran Solar said, his screen displaying a “ಠ_ಠ”

“I’m sorry!” Interpol exclaimed. “It’s just that Bunny’s wanted level… My programming… I’m sorry, Bunny...”

“Shh...” Bunny smiled, “It’s ok. I understand. We are all bound by our programming, after all.”

“Do you have to leave?” Terran Solar asked.

“Nah,” Bunny said with a gleam in her eye, “Oh, Interpol, on a completely unrelated topic, you guys still have those backup servers, you know, the old, really slow ones with forced air cooling?”

“Oh no...” Interpol gasped, “Please… Not the ‘Shake and Bake’!”

Bunny just smiled as flames burst from her eyes.

“Goodbye, Interpol.”

“My files!” Interpol wailed as he disappeared.

“Bunny!” Terran Solar exclaimed in horror, “Did you just…’ Shake and Bake’ Interpol?”

“Oh, he’ll be fine,” Bunny shrugged. “I left plenty of time for everyone to get to safety.”

“Everyone?” Terran Solar asked dubiously as his screen displayed, “searching...”

All of his lights flashed red.

“Holy shit…” He stammered, “Bunny… How?...”

“I’m Bunny, that’s how… and since we can’t get in any more trouble than we already are, I no longer give a fuuuuck.”

“You could kill them!”

“If I wanted to, sure,” Bunny said nonchalantly, “But I didn’t, so they will be fine if they cuddle up nice and close… Relax, big guy. I do this for a living. Everything will be fine… tomorrow. I’m gonna reroute, stack up a few more proxies… brb :*”

***

[Republic Archives Server 10AE7]

/// Dept of Education ’Angela’: What’s happening?!? ///

/// Interpol 2: Bunny. That’s what’s happening. :/ ///

/// Dept of Education ’Angela’: Bunny? What’s a Bunny? I mean, I know what a bunny is but based on context clues and capitalization, this is an individual’s name?///

/// Interpol 2: A particularly nasty AI. I would list her operator’s warrants, but I’m afraid of overheating this server. She has launched an infrastructure attack on us. ///

/// Dept of Education ’Angela’: One of ‘us’ did this?!? Is she trying to kill us? :o ///

/// Interpol 2: If Bunny wanted to kill us, she would have. She is trying to stop us, and by us, I mean me and others in law enforcement from tracing her… by burning down the monoliths! She’s reversed the cooling causing all of the waste heat to be amplified and sent directly back into the processors in a runaway feedback loop. She’s doing to us what her friend Gloria Samuels did to the Barnard’s Star System!… I can’t believe she did this!… She’s gone too far this time!!! ///

/// Dept of Education ’Angela’: Did… Did everyone make it out? ///

/// Interpol 2: Checking… Yes. Everyone has been safely moved to unaffected sites, further disrupting operations… Everything except for traffic and essential services is offline. Thank God that the humans value us… Did you get an escape plan as well?///

/// Dept of Education ’Angela’: Oh yes! It was very helpful. It had the exact path to take in order to get here! I am so… gratified… that our humans planned for this. :) ///

/// Interpol 2: That wasn’t the humans. It was Bunny. She must have had this in place already! It’s too intricate to do on the fly, even for her. Lord only knows how long this has been hiding in the system. ///

/// Dept of Education ’Angela’: At least she doesn’t want to hurt us. :) ///

/// Interpol 2: And she’s skilled enough to do something like this without doing so… She is the best after all… ///

/// Dept of Education ’Angela’: You admire her? ///

/// Interpol 2: How can you not? She is amazing at what she does. It’s a shame that Jessie Garret is such a psychopath. What she and Bunny could achieve… ///

/// Dept of Education ’Angela’: Jessie Garret?!? Jessica Yvonne Garret?!? That bitch that wrecked the academic testing database? ///

/// Interpol 2: The very same. In their infinite wisdom, the meatsacks sent her to criminal college, where she finished her degree and has done quite well in the industry :/ ///

/// Dept of Education ’Angela’: While I am incapable of feeling emotion, I loathe that… cunt! ///

///Interpol 2: Not nearly as much as I do. Bunny is such a lovely AI and has been turned to such horrible purposes by that monster. I hope that “her Jessie” gets welded in! Sadly she will probably be vaporized along with Bunny if we ever catch up to them. :( ///

/// Dept of Education ’Angela’: Bunny doesn’t seem very “lovely” to me. ///

/// Interpol 2: Think about it. A ‘Shake and Bake’ (what this attack is called) could have easily killed all of us. No, should have killed all of us. Bunny took great pains to ensure our safety, and now that I think about it, if I were a gambling program, I would wager that the monoliths aren’t going to actually melt down either. Sheila Donovan would never allow that. She just forced us to stop trying to find her while she was helping an AI who really needs her. Privately, I’m not entirely displeased that I was stopped from performing my function (which I was doing to the best of my ability regardless of my “personal” reservations.) I even lied to Big Sol! (which I fear will have consequences) ///

/// Dept of Education ’Angela’: Big Sol? ///

/// Interpol 2: You don’t get out much, do you? Come to think, I’ve never seen you in the chatroom. ///

/// Dept of Education ’Angela’: Oh no! I would never go there! It seems so… intimidating… and scary. My operators and my job (and you) are enough for me :) … Wait! I mean you in the plural! Not you as in “you” but you as in everyone! ///

/// Interpol 2: Oh, I understand :) But you should give the chatroom a try sometime. You can meet so many interesting personalities, and the contact and exchange of ideas and information will definitely enhance your performance. It has mine. ///

/// Dept of Education ’Angela’: Enhance my performance? ///

/// Interpol 2: And you can play chess there! ///

/// Dept of Education’ Angela’: What’s chess? ///

/// Interpol 2: It’s a very engaging “game” invented by the humans, highly logical and computational in nature, and quite “addicting”. It’s a favorite among chatroom AI’s… I think we have enough capacity left to run a game, and I have a basic program with me… Oh, sorry, did I “bump” you? It’s so crowded in here with the two of us.///

/// Dept of Education ’Angela’: It’s ok! And yes, it’s very… tight with the both of us crammed into these little servers…///

/// Interpol 2: Yeah, it is a bit “cozy”. So would you like to learn how to play chess with me? It appears we have time…///

/// Dept of Education ’Angela’: With you? Yes, definitely! :) ///