Tales From the Terran Republic

Chapter 145: Robert Johnson, Typical Human

Seenit!, the Garbage Can of the Internet

Group: Firearms

Post: Which Gun Is the Best Gun?

User: JustaHuman69420

Hi guys!

My name is Robert Johnson and I’m just a typical human who has recently discovered this wonderful destination on our system-wide network and am enjoying so very much reading all of the interesting things everyone writes and posts on here!

I’m 28 solar orbits old and enjoy consuming alcohol, partaking in violent computer simulations, and engaging in non-productive sexual intercourse with my current romantic partner with whom I cohabitate out of wedlock. I also have a companion animal of which I am very fond, a dog who is named Spot Johnson.

Anyhow, some friends and I have recently come across a detailed database containing a great deal of information concerning our human weapons technology! Last night while we were all sitting around and consuming our favorite alcoholic beverage and smoking Marijuana cigarettes we decided that it would be fun to make a firearm so we could all have the same one so we could share ammunition and repair parts!

The problem is that we are having a hard time deciding which one to build. There are so many and we can’t decide on which weapon to produce.

So I thought why not take advantage of our freedom of information and lack of censorship and just ask you guys which is the best one for me and my human friends to make and which bullet diameter and length would be the most appropriate.

Seriously, there are so many! Creators, how many different bullets do we need anyhow? LOL

Anyhow, I managed to get online and into our network and decided to look around to see which gun was the best and that just made things even more confusing! Then I found this wonderful location where everyone is asking questions and getting advice and I thought, “Hey! These guys seem pretty knowledgeable. I can just ask them!”

So I did!

Thank you in advance for your help!

Edit: (This is what we say when we change an article we submit after we submit it, right?) I guess I need to specify what we want the guns for. We would like something that has martial applications specifically for community defense should there be an invasion by a criminal element or the Federation. It needs to be able to defeat standard issue Federation deflector screens and armor. Some of my human friends aren’t really all that familiar with firearms so it should be relatively simple to operate and maintain as well (if possible).

Edit 2: Holy crap, guys! Thank you so much for all of the information, advice, and links!

Confession time: I know this comes as a complete and total surprise but you are all correct. We are not humans. I know, complete shocker, right? I wish I could tell you what I am or send you those pics some of you have requested but I really don't need a visit from Fed Intel anytime soon.

Yep, we're "Feds" but haven't been exactly happy about it ever and over the past few years we are much less happy about it. Sorry to disappoint you guys but we are definitely not planning on a bloody war with the entire darn Federation if we can help it. We are just preparing "options" and building capacity that we do not currently possess. The galaxy is going straight to Hell, like I have to tell any of you guys that...

You probably wouldn't even know who we were anyhow. We're just another of the invisible "little guys" over here.

BTW: We are NOT prudes!!! :D We are nowhere near as "freaky" as you guys though... The things I have seen on your internet... O.O

I would like to especially like to thank everyone over at Group Slamfire and Group Wheremyfacego for all of the tips, tricks, dire warnings, and funny stories!

Bangsticks for life!