Chapter 173 - Promise
~ SASHA ~
Zev led her up a thin trail, barely visible to her eyes beyond an area where the rocks and grasses seemed to get sparser. It doubled back on the ravine they'd just followed, the first few feet so steep she'd almost had to climb them. But then it evened out and slanted up the foothill of a mountain. At first, when she began to puff and sweat from the climb, she wanted to curse. If they were almost at their destination, she didn't want to arrive stinking and sweaty.
But as she watched Zev, his eyes dancing, and she realized that not only was he not even breathing hard, but he'd slowed his pace to match hers, then she just got embarrassed.
He was carrying both bags—neither of them light. He was wounded, and his eyes pinched sometimes. Yet he was carefully waiting for her?
"I'm going to have to… get fitter…" she panted as the trail climbed.
Zev shrugged. "It will happen just by living here. Your world is flatter and you move less. Here it's unavoidable that you have to move your body. Don't worry, Sash. You're fierce. You'll get there."
She shook her head, but was running out of air to speak.
A few minutes later the trail leveled out to an only mild uphill, and Sasha took a deep breath of relief.
They climbed a rocky mountainside, the earth rising steeply to their right, and falling away to that ravine on their left and below. At a spot where a flat area jutted out and a lone tree—twisted branches bare of leaves—grew, overlooking the view, Sasha stopped, just for a moment, to catch her breath and to look out at the breathtaking landscape that spread below and ahead of them.
"I call this tree the Sentry," Zev said quietly. "It watches the whole valley, and you can always use it to find your way back."
Sasha nodded, her eyes still on the land. The two mountains, with tall, jagged tops like teeth, were blanketed in the white and ice-blue of snow, but here and there, black and purple rocks poked through. They made a V, plunging from their peaks down to the ravine, framing the valley she and Zev had followed to get here. There were browns and greens in the valley, evergreen trees and patches of grass and dirt where the snow had melted. Then, rising on its other side, another massive peak punctured the night sky, it's form black, but outline glowing as the last of the day's sun disappeared behind it.
With no other sources of light this deep in the forest, the sky overhead was indigo and scattered with so many stars it looked like God had smeared the sky, splattered it with bright spots of paint on a purple-black canvas.
"Beautiful, isn't it?" Zev asked quietly.
Sasha nodded. Whenever she stopped to take it in, she was awed by the sheer magnitude of Thana. "I can see why you missed it."
"You have no idea," Zev muttered, then cleared his throat. "But I missed you more, Sash."
Blinking away from the stars, she turned to find Zev, ahead of her on the trail, watching her, tall and dark against the dark sky, his form swathed in the thick furs, but his eyes near-glowing with intensity.
"I missed you more too," she whispered dumbly. More than what?
More than anything.
Zev stepped up to her toes, hiking the bag straps up his shoulders so he could reach for her with his hands, cupping her face, his breath making a cloud in the chill night air.
"The rest of our life starts now, Sash. Are you ready? No matter what, we face it together."
"Do you promise?" she blurted, her deepest fear hovering, right there, on the edge of her joy.
Zev nodded, his jaw going tight. "I vow on my own life. I'll never leave you again, Sash. They'll have to drag me away, fighting. Or kill me."
"Don't say that!" she hissed.
But Zev just cradled her face, smoothing her cheeks with his thumbs. "Don't be afraid, please, Sash. I never wanted to leave you to begin with, and now that I have you. Now you're mine—truly mine—I'll never do it again. I can't."
She wanted to wallow in the love in his eyes, to just sink it and surrender to it. But her damned head wouldn't let her.
"There's an entire village of men down there that had their women torn from them. You can't promise, Zev."
"I can't promise no one will ever defeat me, Sash. But I can promise—and mean it—that no one will ever convince me to leave you again."
They stared at each other for a long moment, as Sasha's fear battled with her joy.
"Okay," she said after a minute. "I believe you."
"Truly?"
"Truly." She didn't have any choice. That was what had occurred to her while they stood there. She could let this fear overwhelm her, make her question every step, every moment, every little piece of love he offered and eventually she'd kill him, doing that. She knew it. Had seen it in the way her parents slowly killed each other until they couldn't stand the sight of each other anymore.
She didn't want to do that to him.
So her choices were to believe him and risk being hurt again—even worse this time. Or stay in fear, and kill what they had while he was in front of her.
She didn't want to do that. She couldn't do that. She couldn't reach the end of whatever road they were embarking on and realize that it had been her fault if they lost.
She had to take the risk. And as long as she was doing that, she was going to enjoy him.
"I love you, Zev. I'm not saying I'll never feel insecure, but I'm not going to let myself live in that place. I'm going to put my heart in your hands again.. Please… be careful with it."