Re:Zero Kara Hajimeru Isekai Seikatsu

Arc 5 – Chapter 2, “Pedigree of The Poseur”

Subaru tilts his head, Mimi merrily waving her arms as she takes the lead. ‘Party’ is a pretty extravagant word, and it’s coming out of nowhere.

Subaru: 「A party invite… from Anastasia-san? But that’s still like, what happened? Is there something to celebrate?」

Mimi: 「Celebrate? Celebritty? Whatever! Who cares, it’ll be so much fun eating food and getting drunk! So much! Fun!」

Subaru: 「You’re clearly too young to be drinking.」

Mimi: 「Heeheehee. I’m an adult as of this year! The Boss says I can drink! But my Lady says I can’t.」

Mimi puffs out her chest, and the belled ornaments in her hair chime. Subaru’s eyes shoot open in shock,

Subaru: 「What, you’re allowed to drink, then you’re fully grown!? No way. How old are you!」

Mimi: 「I just turned fifteen! So I’m an adulty adult. I’m a big girl!」

Subaru: 「Big girls don’t talk like they’re still in grade school! But anyway…」

Having regained some composure, Subaru puts his hand to his chest as he recognizes the differences in adulthood between this world and the old one. It’s essentially the same as genpuku. The age of adulthood is about fifteen in this world, and that’s when it’s legal to drink and smoke.

Subaru: 「…would be the right way to consider it, Petra?」

Petra: 「Yes, that’s right. But going into more detail, boys leave their homes and find work at fifteen, while some girls start getting married around then. If they don’t get married, it’s also when they’ll usually start working. Like me.」

Subaru: 「Which means you left your home pretty early. You’re a feisty girl, you.」

Petra: 「Heehee, I’m feis… I don’t think that was a compliment.」

Petra glares at Subaru, who heads over to an exhausted Beatrice. Mimi has released her, and her pigtails are in some disarray. She looks bitterly up at Subaru.

Beatrice: 「After participating in your training and being manhandled by this cat, Betty is exhausted, I suppose… Subaru, carry me, in fact.」

Subaru: 「Participating? All you did was watch…」

Beatrice spreads her arms out, reaching for Subaru, and he scoops her into his arms. He’s more muscular than he used to be, and since she’s light as a feather, the weight doesn’t bother him at all. Though, he does sort of look like a dad cradling his daughter now, which is not ideal.

Mimi: 「Oooh! You’re holding the baby! That’s awesome! Hold me too! Me too!」

Subaru: 「Your Boss’d be another story, but I physically can’t do it. Request denied.」

Mimi: 「What! That’s no fair! No fair! Unfair! Unfair!」

Mimi scampers around Subaru as he holds Beatrice. For some reason Beatrice smiles victoriously. Eventually Mimi grabs onto Subaru’s track suit,

Mimi: 「Okey then! I’ll just climb up!」

Subaru: 「Idiot! Stop, you’ll topple me over. Petra help me stop he—what’re you doing?」

Petra: 「Ah, erm, I’m not jealous or anything. I’m not. But would you mind if I climbed you, Subaru- sama?」

Subaru: 「Um yes!?」

Subaru holds a little girl, with a kitten girl and a maid girl pursuing him incessantly. The shenanigans in the foyer continue without resolution.

When,

???: 「—I thought you were taking forever to return, and here you are monkeying about in the foyer.」

The frigid voice makes Subaru and Petra stand up straight.

Mimi’s eyes sparkle with curiosity for the new speaker, while Beatrice sighs.

The voice is coming from the stairway overlooking the foyer. Subaru glances up to find a girl standing there, where she can see the four of them She has pink hair, and wears a short-cut maid outfit. Her cerise eyes look apathetic, and though she is cute, there is nothing cuddly about her. This is Petra’s colleague, Ram, the head of the maids in the mansion.

She gazes coldly at Subaru and snorts a breathy, 「Ha.」

Ram: 「Filthy.」

Subaru: 「You’re the filthy one for reaching that conclusion! Maybe you can argue about how sound this is, but it’s still a heartwarming scene!」

Ram: 「You always bend reality to suit your purposes. But, Barusu, you mustn’t forget. —I judge only by what I’ve seen.」

Subaru: 「Maybe you could take off your weird filter before you start looking please?」

Ram glances at him disinterestedly, apparently unwilling to hear him out. She ignores the stunned Subaru and looks over at Petra, who instantly starts to quake.

Ram: 「Petra. I told you to drag Barusu here by the neck if you had to. Would you like to explain why you are playing with him in the foyer?」

Petra: 「I-I’m sorry, Sister Ram.」

Ram: 「It seems you weren’t listening, Petra. I believe I asked, why are you dawdling here in the foyer?」

Subaru: 「Stop acting like the sister from hell. It was just me screwing around. Petra’s not to blame.」

Ram: 「Of course she’s to blame. I’ll pummel you, Barusu.」

Subaru: 「She’s only a little to blame!」

Pleased with that concession, Ram jerks her chin to the room behind her.

Ram: 「You mustn’t keep Emilia-sama waiting. Barusu, to the upstairs parlour. Petra, the dining room. Beatrice-sama, accompany Barusu.」

Beatrice: 「Of course, I suppose.」

Mimi: 「What about me? Come on, what about me?」

Petra regretfully lets go of Subaru’s sleeve, but he remains caught in the energetic catgirl’s firm grip. Ram brushes aside her hair, caught on her cheek.

Ram: 「I ask you accompany Barusu to the parlour, dear guest. I’m afraid that your companion is unsettled by your absence.」

Mimi: 「Hokay. Guess I gotta go back then. I done a no do.」

Even Ram is polite when receiving guests. Mimi laughs boisterously in reply, but Subaru catches something that he can’t ignore.

Subaru: 「Companion? But I thought you said you were alone?」

Mimi: 「I did, and I am. Not Hetaro or Tivey or the Boss or Julius or my Lady are here. But Joshua’s here. I’m alone being Joshua’s boddygar, boddygard?」

Subaru: 「Bodyguard?」

Mimi: 「Yes! Boddygard!」

Mimi puffs out her chest, smirking. Subaru pats her head before looking back up at Ram.

Subaru: 「I’m sorry. I was so sure it was only Mimi. I didn’t realise I was making someone wait.」

Ram: 「So it seems. It’s fine, but do hurry. Emilia-sama’s patience will tire before long.」

Subaru: 「Can’t have that. Okay, see you later Petra. Let’s go, Mimi.」

Mimi: 「Whoo!」

Who is this mysterious Joshua?

He must be someone from Anastasia’s faction who Subaru doesn’t know. If they’re sending him as a messenger, and appointing Mimi as his bodyguard, he must have suitable rank. He could have an important post if Mimi refers to him without an honourific, but then again considering how indiscriminately friendly Mimi is, it doesn’t exactly indicate much.

Petra: 「I’ll bake the tarts once everything has settled down. You will taste them, won’t you, Subaru- sama?」

Whispers Petra before darting out of the scene. Frederica must be waiting for her in the dining room. Subaru doesn’t know whether they’ll serve food in the parlour, but either way, it seems like it’s going to be a while before he gets to eat Petra’s tarts.

Subaru: 「Who else is in the parlour with Emilia-tan?」

Ram: 「Roswaal-sama has not returned yet, which leaves her with Otto and Garf. If the visitor is an assassin in disguise, Garf will be enough to manage them.」

Subaru: 「Doubt we need to be so worried about direct attacks. I already told Emilia-tan to use Otto as a human shield.」

Ram: 「If I ever feel in danger, that’s what I’ll do too.」

There are no words for how they treat Otto. Well actually no there are. Either way, if those three are the ones in the parlour, Otto must be stuck pulling more than his weight. Should they neglect to lessen the strain upon him swiftly, they are liable to lose their precious Internal Affairs Minister.

Beatrice: 「He never gets his reward, I suppose. I don’t understand why he’s even friends with you, in fact.」

Subaru: 「It might be invisible to others, but me and Otto are tied together with a solid bond of masculine friendship. Rock solid.」

Mimi: 「Ooh! Rocka solid!」

Ram’s sigh guides the three up to the parlour: the very first room after scaling the foyer staircase. Ram knocks on the door, which then opens from inside. The face that peeks out belongs to,

Garfiel: 「There yer are, Captain. Yer were takin’ so long I was thinkin’ I’d haveta go’n get ya.」

Subaru: 「It would’ve been funny if you all said you were leaving to look for me and left Otto there on his own.」

Garfiel: 「Crap, it wouldda. Now’m imaginin’ him panicking everywhere n’ freakin’ out.」

Garfiel, with his short blond hair, sharp fangs, and characteristic forehead scar, shares a mischievous grin with Subaru. He jerks his chin, his arms crossed, apparently keeping himself posted at the door.

Garfiel: 「Get in here. Th’guest’s sayin’ y’gotta be here if we’re gonna talk. Otto n’ Emilia-sama were tryin’ t’give ‘im a welcome, but it all juss looked like a comedy.」

Subaru: 「Honestly I’d want to see that.」

Ram: 「Cease this foolishness and enter the room. We’re already delayed.」

Subaru: 「Guh」

Ram drives her foot into the small of Subaru’s back, and he goes stumbling into the room. His odd posture as he bursts into the scene earns him stares from those in the parlour. The predominant emotions are relief, exasperation, and confusion, respectively.

Subaru suppresses his urge to make excuses to the relieved and exasperated parties about his tardiness, and turns to face the confused individual.

???: 「—」

The prim, handsome man gazes back at Subaru. A well-tailored outfit garbs his slender frame, and his long violet hair is tied in a ponytail. He exerts a scholarly air, and his monocle only supports that impression. His yellow eyes are rather sharp, and between that and his pout at he peers at Subaru’s unfamiliar face, he looks displeased.

Neither party makes the best first impression on the other.

Man: 「And this would be…?」

The visitor is the one to speak first. He looks away from Subaru, and to the two people seated before him. A beautiful girl, with silver hair flowing down her back, is the one to nod and answer him.

Emilia: 「Right. I apologize that he arrived late. —This is my Knight, Natsuki Subaru.」

A tingle shoots down Subaru’s spine. The words ‘My Knight’ are simply so wonderful that they captivate him every time.

Man: 「M-May I point out that he seems, ah, enraptured…?」

Beatrice: 「Subaru. Stop making funny faces, I suppose. He’s going to think… huh? Erm this feels quite forceful, in fact. No, you’re, holding too tigh—Suba–Subaru! Ow! Ouch, I suppose!」

Subaru: 「—Aah! Ahh, sorry. Was tripping.」

He had almost unwittingly squeezed Beatrice to death to distract himself from his feelings. A Beako Hug or also a bear hug. That’s what it was. Anyway. The guest looks on skeptically as Subaru clears his throat and puts down Beatrice.

Subaru: 「As stated a moment previously, I am Natsuki Subaru. I serve as Knight to Emilia-sama, who makes her presence before you. It pleases me to make your acquaintance.」

Man: 「—」

The track suit makes it a little slovenly, but his manners align perfectly with courtly etiquette. He used to think cynically of the pretentious attitudes of knights, but now that he’s trying it himself, he finds it works surprisingly well for him. It’s not a question of whether it suits him or not. It’s that he feels himself being more of a knight. The pressure, knowing that one misstep will leave him a laughingstock, gives the rigid seriousness meaning. Under the tutelage of Garfiel, with his extensive knowledge as a Knight Fanatic, Subaru has fostered etiquette that disgraces him not as a knight.

Subaru glances to the door to find Garfiel watching him, satisfied. Garfiel notices Subaru’s glance and flips him the bird. Subaru taught him the gesture, but he’s using it wrong. While he may be a good teacher, Garfiel is a failure of a student.

Man: 「You humble me. I am… I myself am Joshua Juukulius , visiting you as an envoy on behalf of Anastasia Hoshin-sama.」

Subaru: 「Then you would be Joshua-san. What a fine name. Still, I must apologize for my poor punctuality. Allow me to—Juukulius?」

Halfway through the diplomatic fineries, Subaru finds himself tilting his head at the familiar word. Joshua nods with a, 「Yes,」 and adding onto that,

Emilia: 「That’s right, Subaru. Joshua is Julius’s little brother. And they’re both supporting Anastasia together, it’s sooo sweet.」

Laughs the girl, her chaste demeanour gone, and her speech far more casual. Her face as she looks at Subaru is her true face, naturally. Subaru sighs, staring impolitely at Joshua as he seats himself opposite him. As he seats himself beside Emilia, like it’s natural.

Subaru: 「What, so he’s Julius’s brother. Actually now that you mention it they are pretty alike. You have that disdainful… or not, intense, gaze of his. Or that mocking… or not, elegant, smile of his. Or that hellish… or not, pretty, hair colour of his.」

Otto: 「If you need force it every time then would you care to refrain from commenting!?」

Says Otto, unable to hide his sweat. He’s the Head Minister of the Emilia Faction’s Internal Affairs, or more rather he’s the only one capable of being said minister so that’s why he has the title. But diplomacy terrifies him immensely.

Subaru: 「Did you lose weight?」

Otto: 「Life here is simply too exhilarating, yes! When things in this exact vein keep happening in constant succession, the mental fatigue leaves me too exhausted to exercise, and thus skeletal! Skeletal!」

Mimi: 「Skellytall! Skellytall!」

Cheers Mimi, unintentionally aggravating Otto further. It looks like the only thing keeping Otto quiet is the fact that Mimi is the guest’s companion. She disregards him entirely as she scampers over and leaps onto the seat, beside Joshua. Beatrice also looks at the seats. But Subaru, Emilia, and Otto are fully occupying the seat opposite Joshua and Mimi. They could scooch together to open room for Beatrice, but it would look lame. And so Beatrice promptly seats herself on Subaru’s lap. Subaru naturally loops his hands around Beatrice’s waist, making sure she won’t fall.

Subaru: 「Now, finally getting to the main topic…」

Joshua: 「P-Please wait! Who is this girl?」

And Joshua winds up too flustered to talk. He points at Beatrice, sitting on Subaru’s lap, and leans forward so forcefully that his monocle slips. Apparently he lacks Julius’s composure. Subaru decides that he prefers this to Julius, while Mimi instead speaks up.

Mimi: 「Geez, you’re so behind, Joshua. This is Beako, she’s Subaru’s baby. It’s so obvious. And beside him’s the mommy, and beside her’s the housekeeper?」

Otto: 「Honestly I am far too unconfident about what my current standing is to be hearing that I’m the housekeeper so would you please care to stop?!」

Mimi: 「Housekeeper! Housekeeper! Wow! It’s like a witchbeast name!」

Otto’s pleas are entirely ineffective on Mimi, the embodiment of dumb innocence. Nobody bothers to react to Otto, who slumps his shoulders. Subaru puts his hand on Beatrice’s head.

Subaru: 「Sorry for not introducing her. We’re just so used to sitting like this that I completely forgot to explain.」

Emilia: 「Otto-kun forgot to mention it too. And it caught me unawares as well.」

Subaru: 「Who says caught me unawares anymore?」

It’s Emilia’s usual phrasing, but Subaru agrees with the sentiment. And Otto must be getting so accustomed to this life that he’s forgetting to interject with common sense. It’s a good problem to have.

Subaru: 「This is Beatrice. Mimi’s right, she’s the child of myself and Emilia-sama.」

Joshua: 「What!?」

Joshua, aghast.

Emilia: 「Geez. No she’s not, Subaru. Look at how you shocked Joshua. I know we kissed but you can’t make babies by kissing. I’ve been studying.」

Subaru: 「Ah, sorry, Emilia-tan. I think some private stuff just got thrown right into the open. It was my bad so I’ll just introduce her normally.」

Beatrice: 「This is what you get for using me for tomfoolery, in fact. You best regret it, I suppose.」

Subaru forces a smile at Emilia and Beatrice. Emilia’s misunderstandings about making babies have only been rectified when it comes to ‘making babies by kissing’. Subaru couldn’t go any further into the topic, and, anticipating the shock the subject would give Emilia, the faction’s women decided to wait until she’s more mentally mature.

Basically everyone is overprotective.

Joshua: 「Ehrm… so, Miss Beatrice’s true station would be…?」

Joshua fixes his monocle, overwhelmed with his initiation to Roswaal Mansion and its people. But shouldn’t the unruliness of everyone here be pretty close to Anastasia’s Faction, which has Iron Fang?

Subaru: 「I’m sorry that the conversation keeps slipping. Beatrice may look like an ordinary, lovable little girl, but she is actually my contracted spirit. She is a loligranny.」

Beatrice: 「Exactly, I’m a spirit, in fact. And I know that you’re mocking me with that word ‘loligranny’, I suppose.」

Beatrice brushes Subaru’s hand aside and digs her head into the underside of his chin. She has grown rather proficient in Subaruese, making verbal gaffes generally impermissible. ‘Loligranny’ is just a combination of ‘granny’ and ‘loli’, a word that he has already explained to her, so of course she saw through this one.

Joshua’s reaction to Subaru and Beatrice’s heartwarming exchange is extreme. His prudish but charming face falls frigid.

Joshua: 「—I see. She’s a spirit.」

Nobody who catches his whisper can decode his sentiment. It’s not that he’s hiding his emotions. It’s the opposite. The emotion is so convoluted and complex that it’s impossible to tell what lies at its core. But everyone can see that it was not a very friendly statement.

Garfiel: 「Hey, guest. You got a problem with our Captain havin’ a spirit with him?」

Garfiel has inherited Subaru’s old role. Which is, practising disrespect to anyone. While everyone else deliberates on how to address the problem, he fearlessly dives right in. Joshua promptly shakes his head,

Joshua: 「No. It’s nothing important. Just, it struck me that Natsuki-dono is a Spirit Knight. As I myself am sure you already know, my brother is a Spirit Knight. The title is so rare that you could call him the only holder in the nation.」

Subaru: 「Yeah, I know. When we were fighting the Witch Cult, he… um, he. He really hel… h-hel— ghk. Helped me, out a… lot, so…」

Otto: 「Are you truly so reluctant to accept that he saved you!?」

No. But thinking back on his battles with Julius makes him feel awkward about what he’s saying, and makes the old wounds from his beatdown sting.

Beatrice: 「I heard that there was another knight who uses spirits, in fact. What an odd turn of fate for it to be your brother, I suppose.」

Joshua: 「What do you mean by ‘odd turn of fate’. Spirit.」

Beatrice: 「It’s obvious what I mean, in fact. Precursors are destined to be excelled, I suppose. His best place is as an ornament on the glorious road that Subaru and I—nhaaha!」

Subaru: 「Don’t pick fights with people we just met. And I’ve got nothing on Julius. I’m never gonna beat him in what he does. I don’t beat people who’re good at puzzles by challenging them to puzzles, I beat them by challenging them to Mario Kart.」

Subaru musses Beatrice’s hair and bows his head to Joshua. While pushing Beatrice’s head into a bow as well.

Subaru: 「I’m sorry. I wasn’t trying to make a fool of your brother. Or really, I know that I’m less capable than him. This spirit here is just being a braggart.」

Joshua: 「An admirable, and correct judgement. When comparing yourself to my brother, it’s natural to recognize your inferiority.」

Subaru: 「Uh?」

Subaru was looking to make a mature compromise, but Joshua’s abrupt arrogance makes things precarious again. Heedless of Subaru as he furrows his brows in confusion, Joshua catches the light on his monocle,

Joshua: 「Yes. My brother is amazing. At the age of twenty is the second most capable of the Imperial Knights, the finest Order of Knights of the Kingdom. His service to Anastasia-sama currently distances him from his station as an Imperial Knight, but once her wishes are fulfilled he will be secured a place as Head of the Imperial Knights. He has a close, amiable relationship with the Sword Saint Reinhardt, and holds himself impeccably in both public and private contexts. He is strict on himself and others, disciplined, ambitious, always seeking improvement. His beautiful looks enrapture scores of women, and his personality is accordingly excellent. Yes. My brother is amazing. You’re nothing compared to him.」

Subaru: 「…uh.」

Joshua speaks with passion, his face red as he goes on and on and on.

Subaru has no reply, and Beatrice recoils too. Garfiel and Otto stay silent, unsure whether this could get deadly, and Mimi is too busy stuffing her cheeks with snacks to help him out of this. There is only one person here who can counter Joshua’s screed.

Emilia: 「Heehee. Joshua, you love your brother Julius sooo much.」

In this room exists an angel who will take anything positively. Her words make Joshua realise what he just said, and his face reddens in shame rather than excitement. He clears his throat, managing to compose himself.

Joshua: 「M-My apologies. I may have fired myself up. I have some difficulty restraining myself when it comes to my family.」

Emilia: 「No, it’s okay. I want to hear you talk about Julius more. I’ve only ever seen Julius while in the Capital here and there, so there’s lots more I want to know about him.」

Joshua: 「R-Really! Well, there are several memories of me and him that—」

Subaru: 「How about we save those for another occasion, and finally get to the point!? How does that sound, Otto! Garfiel!」

Both: 「Huh!?」

Subaru cuts in, forcing the other two into the conversation while they pleadingly try to stay out of it. But they do promptly nod in agreement. Joshua then notices that the conversation has strayed incredibly far, and,

Joshua: 「T-Then, we will save the stories of my brother’s magnificence for another time. I must… I myself must also fulfil my duties and reconvene with Anastasia-sama shortly.」

Emilia: 「Right. I’m sooo excited for them. So, it really took us a long time to finally get here… but what is this visit all about?」

Joshua’s awkwardness lingers as he feigns calm, while Emilia easily enters Royal Selection Candidate Mode. The tone of their voices drop, bringing a tenseness to the parlour. Emilia can establish tension like this because she has come to recognize her place as a budding politician.

Joshua: 「—I speak to Emilia-sama on the behalf my master, Anastasia Hoshin-sama.」

The prickly tension makes Joshua’s expression regain its former warmth. He puts his hand in his pocket, withdraws a letter, and sets it on the table. He opens it. Looks down at the letters and their black ink.

Joshua: 「Anastasia-sama wishes to invite yourself and all of your associates to the city of Pristella.」

Emilia: 「An invitation to Pristella City… Pristella is the Watergate City, yes? The big city near the border between the Kingdom of Lugnica and the Kararagi City-States.」

Joshua: 「You are correct. Anastasia-sama is presently sojourning there, rather than the Capital… and she wishes to invite you.」

Joshua quietly lowers his head. Emilia looks away from him and glances to Subaru. Obviously, this gaze means, 「what are your thoughts?」

Subaru feels similarly to Emilia about the whole thing. Everyone knows that Anastasia is staying in a mansion in the Capital’s noble district while she’s in Lugnica. When Mimi mentioned an invitation to a party, Subaru was certain it would be to that mansion.

Joshua: 「Pristella is a scenic place. The city is distinctive in itself, and makes for a popular tourist destination. Anastasia-sama finds herself delighted and at ease there.」

Subaru: 「It’d be great if you were just showing us a nice place, but… you’re not, are you? Emilia and Anastasia aren’t friends.」

If Subaru remembers this right, then Anastasia was particularly harsh on Emilia during the dialogues in the Palace. The candidates most unsparing toward Emilia were her and Priscilla. Crusch is simply not racist, and Felt is in Emilia’s debt. So, while Anastasia did help during the White Whale and Witch Cult fights, Subaru’s personal opinion of Anastasia is not very good.

So he doubts that this invitation is anything so kind-spirited. As if supporting Subaru’s doubts, a grin etches itself over Joshua’s face. And,

Joshua: 「Anastasia-sama invites you out of her beneficence. She has noticed the valuable object you are searching for in Pristella.」

Emilia: 「What I’m searching for?」

The instant that Emilia shows her interest, Otto’s expression screams: He got her! This tells Subaru that Joshua snatched away predominance before they could stop it, but he still cannot see the crux of this deal.

In that delay, the opponent takes full control of the conversation. Grinning, Joshua speaks on:

Joshua: 「—In Pristella City there is a shop selling spellstones, in which slumbers the high-grade colourless stones that you desire. I believe that you are currently seeking an anchor for the Great Spirit?」

—The second that Joshua gains dominance, the Emilia Faction are fated to leave for Pristella.