Mushoku Tensei

Volume 13 Chapter 10 - Facing Forward

Part 1

A certain tavern,

four people were sitting at a table.

Amongst the hustling and bustling inside the bar, only that place was gloomy.

All four of them had a dark expression.

"…So Paul died, huh."

A woman with luxurious blonde hair and long ears.

Elinalize was whispering to herself.

"Yeah, he died."

A man from the Magic Race that had the face of a monkey.

Gisu said that as he looked at the mug he was holding.

"He died protecting his son. That's his true wish."

A male dwarf that had a burly beard.

Talhand replied without care.

However, he had no tension in his voice.

Even though he drank enough of his favorite drink to become wasted, there was no signs of him being drunk.

"With Zenith like this too, Paul wouldn't have been cheerful."

At Gisu's words, Talhand went silent and focused on his drink.

Zenith had become a cripple, to which they had received quite a shock.

As people that knew Zenith to be someone bright and lively, the shock was even bigger to them.

Nevertheless, they were adventurers.

They were familiar with death.

Even if Zenith had died, they would have tolerated and accepted that fact.

"Well, she survived. Perhaps, there may be a chance to heal her."

Talhand said that without any sense of confidence.

There have sometimes been tales of someone becoming a cripple due to a monster's poison.

However, there were no tales about them being healed.

If the neck was cut off, or if the head was smashed,

Even God-class healing magic would not be able to heal that.

"Even if she can walk, or talk, her memories won't return."

Elinalize said that as if giving up on that idea.

"What, Elinalize. It seems you know a lot about this."

"…That's just the way it is."

Elinalize didn't explain it in detail.

She has lived much longer than Talhand or Gisu.

She said that as if she had seen cases similar to this one.

That's why she knows.

However, as if to feel that some form of hope wasn't gone, Talhand did not press any further.

"…So, the problem now, is that son of his."

Talhand spoke.

"Yeah…"

Hearing that, his voice went up with a sigh.

Rudeus Greyrat.

Paul's son, although it has been close to a week, had not stepped out of his room.

"That guy, he's got no energy, and doesn't wanna do anything."

"It's like he's a cripple himself."

Elinalize and Gisu said in agreement.

Rudeus had become a shell of his former self.

Even when calling out to him, he did not answer.

With hollow eyes, he said [Oh] and merely nodded.

"Rudi was quite attached to Paul."

The girl from the Magic Race with blue hair.

Roxy Migurdia, who had been silent up to now, whispered softly.

What she saw in her mind was a very young Rudeus who was learning swordsmanship from Paul.

Rudeus continued to swing his sword with a disappointed face no matter how many times Paul beat him down.

It was a boy that had a bundle of talent.

For someone that hadn't spent such time with that family, it was a dazzling scenery that would make anyone feel envious.

"Well, I can understand Senpai's feelings. But, it'll be bad at this rate."

"That's right."

Rudeus has not taken a single bite since that day.

Even though he was encouraged to eat, he nodded with an [Oh], and didn't eat at all.

At the minimum, though he was drinking water, it was clear as day he was becoming increasingly haggard.

His eyes were sunk, his cheeks hollowed, one would think that he looked like death.

If he was left alone like this, he'll really die.

Everybody here thought that.

"…We must cheer him up again somehow."

At Roxy's words, Gisu glanced at Elinalize.

"Hey you, don't you do [That] all the time in times like these?"

"I can't do that."

Elinalize replied immediately.

The one who didn't understand [That] was Roxy.

"What can't be done?"

"…"

Gisu and Talhand looked at each other, then shut themselves up.

Roxy knit her eyebrows in puzzlement.

"Elinalize, do you have some kind of plan?"

"…I do not."

Elinalize answered that like she wanted to get something over with.

"Well, anyway."

Gisu was scratching his cheek.

Talhand was drinking his beer like it was something interesting.

"Well, anyway. In times like this, it's best to forget by going all out to play."

"Play?"

"Men are self-interested creatures. By drinking beer, sleeping with girls, and feeling good, they immediately feel the joy of living, and would feel better again."

"Ah…! Ahh, I see."

Even Roxy can understand what was being said.

She could understand what Elinalize, who was attracted to men, would do.

"I, I see. M-me, men are like that! I see! I see…"

Roxy was looking down with a red face.

When a man feels down, he makes love to a woman.

It feels like she had heard something like this before.

Especially for mercenaries, before and after the battle, would buy a girl to distract their fears.

There were even many adventurers who would head to brothels immediately after a near-death experience on a quest.

However, thinking of Rudeus and Elinalize getting together, Roxy was left with depression in her heart.

"Elinalize. Didn't you say this in the past? That you were good at comforting heartbroken men."

"I did say that."

Roxy was thinking.

Certainly, Elinalize was good at that.

She has numerous relationships with men on a routine basis, and have heard that she has also quite the technique.

With someone as experienced as her, it was possible to make Rudeus get back on his feet.

Though it was mortifying, it's something that can't be helped.

"That's rare. If it was the regular you, you wouldn't have left Senpai alone right now."

She couldn't bear looking at Rudeus right now.

Even Elinalize wanted to help and comfort him.

However, she understood.

If she used Rudeus's grief as a reason to make love to him here, what will they do when they return?

Betraying Clif, betraying Sylphy.

Rudeus would not take that calmly.

"Even I have partners that I can't do."

"Why is it that you can't do it with Rudi?"

Roxy glares at Elinalize.

"Even though Rudi is suffering so much…"

"Well…"

Elinalize started to speak, then realized.

That Roxy didn't know.

"Because Rudeus's wife is my granddaughter."

"…Eh!?"

Roxy lost her grip on her mug.

The mug fell on the table with a clank.

While spilling its contents, the mug rolled on the table, fell on the ground, and made a dry sound.

"Eh, Rudi, is he married?"

"Yeah. He's married. He's about to have a child."

"I, I see… w, well it's obvious isn't it, Rudi being of age and all…"

Roxy was unable to hide her trembling, and picked up the mug on the floor.

Then, wanting to drink what's inside, she realized it spilled, then ordered another one.

"Ah, please give me the strongest one in the house."

Roxy folded her arms with her eyes spinning.

Marriage.

Of course Rudeus would get married, yeah.

It's something normal.

Yeah.

She kept talking to herself like that.

Then, remembering her own actions in the labyrinth, she grit her teeth.

She thought that Rudi was free and took the initiative.

She had wanted to make a good impression, but she was not treated as an obstacle because she was merely an acquaintance in the end.

It must have been laughable and ridiculous, being right beside him.

She wanted to scream, [Why didn't anybody tell me this?!]

But, she kept the complaint to the back of her throat.

Right now she wasn't worrying about herself.

"B, But, even though he's married, this is an emergency, surely even once would be fine?"

Roxy did not even understand what she herself was saying.

Just that she felt that she wanted Rudeus to get better again.

"…Maybe that is so, but I cannot do it."

Elinalize said that with some frustration.

Even seeing her frustrated face, Roxy could not understand her feelings.

"…Here you go."

"Ah, thanks."

There was the drink that she had ordered.

Roxy stirred the mug, then drank it all in one go.

A burning sensation spread in her bone-dried throat.

It was frighteningly tasty, showing that the body really wanted that alcohol.

"Besides, for me to Rudeus…"

Elinalize closed her mouth there.

"Well, even if I can't do it, wouldn't it be fine if Gisu brings him to a brothel around here?"

"I wonder. Making love to someone he doesn't know, I doubt Rudeus would get better with that."

"Well, what that child really needs, is someone reliable to lean on."

"Then, Lilia?"

"Like I said…"

"Yeah, I get it, don't be so angry."

Elinalize's heart was complex.

She doesn't want to interfere with Sylphy's marriage.

However, she wants to help Rudeus.

If she makes love to Rudeus, she may be able to cheer him up again.

She was confident in that.

However, she felt certain that is a mistake, and that it would be something that cannot be undone.

If it was the usual, she would play the part of the villain.

Up till now, she had done so many times.

However, when she felt that she did not want to betray Cliff here, she could no longer do it.

"…"

Then, silence followed.

Only the quiet sound of drinking continued.

There was nobody that called out to this uneven group of four.

Only over there was it as quiet as the night.

"In any case, Zenith had become like that.

I want Senpai to hurry and get back on his feet, then we can say good-bye to this town."

With Gisu's words, the remaining three sighed.

"You're right…"

They were all tired.

It's been six years.

Six long years.

Since the Teleportation Incident, six years have passed.

It was definitely not a short period of time.

Heading from the Central Continent towards the Magic Continent, then crossing from the Magic Continent to the Begaritto Continent.

And, finally.

Searching in the Teleportation Labyrinth.

There were tough and painful times.

However, all of it was something one could look back and laugh at.

Certainly, the Teleportation Incident was an unfortunate event.

But, for them, it wasn't full of just misfortune.

The party that had split up gathered up little by little.

Elinalize and Talhand partied up once again.

Gisu moved for the sake of Paul.

Paul and Talhand got along again.

And, ultimately, Paul and Elinalize fought side by side once more.

Thinking that these things would never happen again, with Paul as their center, they got together again.

After rescuing Zenith, they would locate Ghyslaine, and everybody would drink together.

That is what everybody had thought.

However, Paul died.

With just that, they felt a sense of weariness that can't be described.

Like anything and everything had been ruined.

Even though they spent so much time building up to that.

The sense of weariness in that all had been trampled in the very end.

It wasn't just Rudeus who had become lethargic.

"Well, he's Rudeus, the son of Paul and Zenith. He may be depressed right now, but he'll eventually come around on his own."

"…I hope you're right."

"…"

At Talhand's words, two people nodded vaguely.

They knew Rudeus's weakness.

Nevertheless, he's already 16, no longer a child.

Even though it has been painful, his heart is that of a splendid adult.

Death visits everybody, and it is something adventurers are familiar with.

Parents will someday die.

Anybody will overcome that.

That's why, even Rudeus will eventually do so too.

"…"

The only person that wasn't nodding was Roxy.

She had remembered.

What happened a long time ago.

Part 2

--- Rudeus's POV---

When I looked out the window, it was evening.

I sat on the bed absent-mindedly.

How many days have passed since then?

It doesn't really matter.

No matter how many days it has been.

<Knock, knock>

Suddenly, there was a knock on the doorway.

"Rudi, may I?"

Looking up, Roxy was standing there.

Guess I left the door open.

"…Sensei."

It felt like it's been forever since I spoke.

Though my voice was so hoarse that I didn't know if Roxy heard it or not.

Roxy walked briskly towards me.

It felt strange.

I wonder why.

Ahh, I see, she doesn't have her robe on today.

She was wearing a very thin top and bottom clothing.

How unusual.

"Excuse me."

Saying that with a firm tone, Roxy sat next to me.

For a while, we sat in silence for a few seconds.

As if choosing her words, Roxy whispered.

"For a change of pace, would you like to come out with me?"

"…?"

"Yeah, there are a lot of magical items that you can't find on any other continents. If we look around here, it could turn out to be quite fun, you know?"

"No…"

I wasn't in the mood.

"I, I see."

"Sorry."

Roxy's invitation.

I understand she was trying to cheer me up.

Normally, I'd follow her like a dog.

However, I don't feel like it right now.

"…"

"…"

Again, silence filled the room.

Again, as if choosing her words, Roxy whispered.

"…It's regrettable what happened to Paul and Zenith."

Regrettable.

Is it fine to settle this with just the word regrettable?

Well, for Roxy, it's merely someone else's business.

"I also remember the time when the five of us lived in Buina Village quite well.

To me, it may have been the happiest time of my life."

"…"

Roxy said that quietly, and held my hand.

Roxy's hand was hot.

"When I was an adventurer, it wasn't rare for people close to me to die. I feel your pain, because I also experienced it."

"…Please don't lie."

I had met Roxy's parents before.

Those two were healthy.

I hadn't heard them talk about having any other children.

"Aren't your father and mother well?"

"Let's see, though the last time I met them was a few years ago, both my parents are fine. They could live for another hundred years."

"Then, you don't understand!"

I felt someone rising up from the bottom of my heart, and I shook off Roxy's hand.

"Please don't say such thoughtless things!"

I yelled in a loud voice.

As I yelled, I felt my remaining amount of power come out of my body.

Even while Roxy looked taken aback, she whispered with a serious expression.

"The one who died, was when I was just starting out as an adventurer. He had partied with me, and taught me the basics of adventuring. Though he wasn't my parent, I considered him as an older brother."

"…"

"He died while covering for me."

"…"

"I was also in distress."

"…"

"That's why, I can at least understand a fragment of your feelings."

Then, you don't understand after all.

You don't know my feelings being torn between my past self who reincarnated and the current situation.

Honestly, I don't think I can get over this.

Even if I know what Roxy is thinking that can make me better again, I don't have the will to follow it through.

"When I lived at Buina Village, I was truly happy.

When I thought of going to the kingdom of Asura to work I couldn't find any jobs,

so then when I went to the countryside, and thought of planning to start as a teacher, Rudi was overflowing with talent, even Paul and Zenith treated me warmly.

They may have been the ones that taught me the actual warmth of a family."

Saying that, Roxy looked at my eyes.

Her eyes were clear.

"To me, it was a second family."

Roxy got up from the bed as she said that.

She went behind me, and when she knelt, she hugged my head closely.

"Rudi. I will share your sorrow with you."

I felt something soft at the back of my head.

I could hear Roxy's heartbeat thumping.

It was a relaxing sound.

I wonder why hearing this sound made me feel relieved.

I wonder why I felt everything will be okay.

The same goes for the smell.

Roxy's smell made me at peace.

In such a hard time, when I remember Roxy's smell, it mysteriously became my support.

I wonder why.

The answer was coming out of my throat.

But it didn't come.

"I am your Shisho. Although I am a small and inadequate Shisho, I have lived longer than you, and am sturdy. I don't mind if you wish to lean on me."

I grabbed Roxy's hand in front of me.

It was a small hand.

But, it felt big.

Looking at this hand also made me feel at ease.

I wonder if I'll be more at ease if I was closer to her.

"Even if it's painful, if two people share it, it will become lighter."

Roxy parted from me as she said that.

Instinctively, I pulled Roxy's hand towards me.

"Ah."

Her small body easily fell on my lap.

Our eyes met directly.

Her slightly sleepy eyes were wet with tears.

Her face was bright red, and her mouth was shut tight.

I placed my hand on her back and drew her closer.

The sound of Roxy's heartbeat was getting faster.

It was warm.

"It, it's okay, you know?"

I wonder what's okay.

"W, when males are grieving, when they sleep with a woman, I heard they would feel refreshed."

Who said that?

Ah, must be Elinalize.

What is Roxy saying at a time like this?

"Women are the same, they also want to forget painful things, and it's painful for me when Paul died. If Rudi is okay with it, I don't mind at all if you sleep with me."

Roxy kept talking hurriedly.

"That's right. I want to forget about all this. But with a body that has no appeal… If you don't like it, you can go to a brothel you know?"

Roxy kept talking as if making excuses.

This person was a girl that I never ceased to respect.

If I did what I was told and slept with her, I wonder what it would be like.

"W, well, even though I look like this I'm very experienced, and I think I can do much better than the other little girls. We'll do this casually, just to wash away this bad mood, and just try it out for once…"

Roxy's incoherent words could not reach me.

I was in the mood.

Just hearing her heartbeat I felt so much more relaxed.

If I get closer to her, I wonder if I would feel even more comfortable?

I was thinking of excuses like that.

"Ah, well, if you're talking about someone who would be better, I don't mind bowing to Elinalize…ah!"

I pushed Roxy down on the bed.

Very violently.

It might be that I was venting out all my anger.

---

Part 3

The next morning.

What I woke up to the first thing to was Roxy's sleeping face.

The innocent sleeping face of Roxy with her hair down.

At the same time, the thought [I did it now…] crossed my mind.

"Haa…"

I sighed.

What should I say to Sylphy…

"…"

My worries have increased by one.

But, for some reason, I felt like my vision became clear again.

As if all my worries had been a dream.

I still had some feelings of depression within me.

But this was not me at my most depressed.

It could not even be compared to yesterday.

I wonder why.

I wonder if it's because the act of creating life healed the sadness of losing it?

"Mn."

Then, Roxy's eyes snapped open.

After she took a long hard look at me who was in front of her, she squirmed as if trying to hide her body under the blanket.

"Good morning, Rudi…"

Then, she murmured while facing away.

"Um, how was it?"

Asking me [How?], I won't lie.

I treated Roxy very violently.

Roxy being experienced was a flat-out lie.

Even so, she accepted everything, refusing to complain about the pain.

It's something I am grateful and apologetic for.

As someone who loves Sylphy, praising Roxy felt like a taboo.

To be frank, Roxy's body was small, and slightly did not match my size.

But, it would be a lie to say I didn't feel good.

Right now, I am certain I feel quite relaxed.

I do not have to lie and hurt Roxy's feelings.

"It felt great."

Roxy's face quickly turned red.

"Thank you very mu… no, not that, I wanted to ask if you felt a little better."

Oh, that.

I failed.

"Yeah."

"Then, if you hug me in return, I'll be happy."

"…Yeah."

As I was told, I hugged Roxy.

Roxy's skin was soft, moist and a bit sticky.

She was sweating after all.

From her soft skin, I could hear Roxy's heartbeat.

It was a relaxing sound.

"Rudi's arms are quite burly. It's as if you weren't a magician at all."

"…I've been training."

Roxy said that while stroking my chest and arms.

With such a cute act, my love for Sylphy wavered just a bit.

I slowly pulled away from Roxy's body.

Then, I got up.

I felt like I wanted to ask her something.

"Roxy-sensei. May I ask something strange?"

"…What is it?"

She probably noticed the atmosphere around me.

Roxy also got up with a serious face, and sat in a kneeling position on top of the bed.

A naked Roxy sitting on top of the bed in kneeling position.

Because it was so erotic that it might be bad, I turned away my gaze.

Covering my bottom half with a blanket, I continued to talk.

"This is just a made-up story…"

With that introduction,

I began to talk.

A story of a certain man.

As a fiction to the end.

A man who secluded himself when bad things happened to him when he was young.

He was close to twenty years old, and lived like trash while leeching off of his parents.

However, one day, his parents had suddenly died.

That man not only did not go to the funeral, but on the contrary did the worst thing a human being can do.

Seeing that, his other family members beat him up and threw him out of the house.

The man had lost everything, but luck brought him to a new land, and he turned over a new leaf, and devoted himself to change for the better.

His lifestyle was going well, and he thought that he would be happy if things kept like this.

But, currently right now, because of a big failure, he let a person important to him die.

Because of that, that man remembered his parents deaths.

That man only then had mourned his parents' deaths.

I told that kind of story.

The more I talked about this, it felt my heart was spewing out pus.

I wonder if I just wanted someone to hear this.

Was it something that easy, I wonder?

"…"

Roxy listened quietly.

Not cutting in with agreement, just silently listening.

"What do you think that man should do?"

"…"

Roxy remained silent.

She might not know how to respond when being told such a story all of a sudden.

There would be no way that she would believe that this was a story of my life.

She is a wise person, so she may think that there is a hidden meaning to it.

"…If it was me, I would go to my parents' graves. I don't think it's too late even now. The same with talking to the other family members."

"But, the graves and the family members are far away, and he can't easily go to them. He may also be unable to return. That man has another life, he made a family in the new land, and he cherishes them dearly."

"He can't go back?"

"Yes. In the first place, the possibility that he can't go back is quite high."

Roxy again became silent at that.

But, this time it was short.

"In that case, there's nothing to be done. Now, he should take care of the family that's in front of him."

Roxy's words were awfully cliché.

They were words anybody could come up with and say.

It wasn't special or anything, just something that was obvious.

"Even Paul would have wished for you to do so, Rudi."

Roxy said something obvious in a matter-of-fact way.

Self-flattering.

Commonplace words.

Words that she heard from somewhere.

"Please face the future. Everybody is waiting for you."

But, my heart felt refreshed.

Yeah.

It was common.

The death of my parents in my previous life, and Paul's death as well.

This was something obvious.

There is no choice but to accept that and face forward.

I am living in this world.

And I will continue to live in this world.

Paul's death, and Zenith that became a cripple.

The anxiety of going back and telling that to my waiting family in the north.

The anxiety of not knowing what to do now.

It was a future full of anxiety.

But, I mustn't run away.

I have no choice but to solve what's in front of me right now.

Though I do not know specifically what I should do.

I have no choice but to solve them one by one.

Coming to this world, hadn't I already decided?

That in this world, I will live it to the fullest.

Then, I must not turn my eyes away.

No matter what kind of difficulties occur from now on, I will overcome them.

It's no good if I don't do at least that.

Yes, I've realized once again.

Though realizing that, it's not like the pain subsided.

However, I felt that I broke out of something.

"Sensei."

"Yes."

"Thank you very much."

Again, Roxy has rescued me.

Even giving thanks would not be enough.