Chapter 162 - Protect Her, Including From Yourself (2)
As soon as their family dinner ended, Shen Zichen went to the garden, sat on a bench, and lit up a cigarette while watching his youngest brother, Shen Lingtian play with Xiao Bai.
Many years have passed and yet this white tiger owned by his mother didn't seem to age but only grew larger. As far as Shen Zichen knew, the lifespan of a regular tiger was between ten to fifteen years at max, it was rare for one to reach twenty-six years in the wild.
"Xiao Bai, stop! Don't you dare lick me!" Shen Zichen heard his younger brother exclaim as he ran away from the huge white tiger who was following after him. He didn't blame Lingtian though, it's painful to be licked by a tiger because their tongues have small barbs on it, which helps them to scrape the fur and feathers of their prey.
"I haven't seen you smoke in a long time. What's bugging you?" His father's voice surprised Shen Zichen for a moment, before his expression returned to normal, moving aside to give space for his father to sit down next to him.
The night was a bit chilly but Shen Zichen didn't seem to mind at all.
He didn't answer his father's question but Shen Yi wasn't bothered by it. There was a momentary silence between the father and son duo as both of them didn't say a word, simply sitting there watching Shen Lingtian from afar and saw Shen Lingqing joining the chase.
"Your mother is worried about you." Shen Yi started, without breaking his gaze from his younger children. "She wanted to ask you what is wrong but felt like it wasn't her place to question you."
"So Mom sends you here to do it instead? Interesting," Shen Zichen hummed and puffed out smoke, letting the ashes from the tip of his cigarette fall on the pavement. His father hummed in agreement.
"You know I cannot deny her," Shen Yi sighed in exasperation.
There was another round of silence again, which was only broken by Shen Zichen, who this time asked his father a question instead.
"Dad, when did you know that you were in love with Mom?" He asked curiously.
"Was?" Shen Yi cocked a brow to his eldest child, "I'm still in love with your mother." He corrected him.
Shen Zichen fought the urge to roll his eyes which happens to be a habit his twin sister had.
"I know, Dad. Please. Just answer my question."
Shen Yi thought for a while before answering him.
"I first met your mother when we were young, but I think I already knew that she was the one for me when she accused me of being a drug lord for being rich and when she dared to throw a shoe right on my face." Shen Yi couldn't stop the smile that bloomed at his face from the memories.
"However, when I saw her shed tears for the first time because of the betrayal of another man, I knew I should have her for myself, to protect her from everyone including myself. Your mother… she's a strong and capable woman. She doesn't need me to reach her dreams or take care of herself, but people tend to forget that strong people are really those who need someone to protect them." He explained.
"Protect her, including from yourself?" This was the part that piqued Shen Zichen's curiosity.
"Of course I have to. Because your mother trusts me and loves me so much that if I hurt her it would be incomparable to the pain other people would inflict on her. The greatest betrayal are those who come from the people who are closest to your heart. There were times when I woke up at night, seeing her sleeping beside me and wondered if there would be a day she would snap out of it and decides she doesn't need me anymore and it pains me,"
Shen Zichen felt guiltier when he heard that. Was this what Li Chuntao felt when he told him he wanted Ying? When he chose his sister over her?
What would he do if Li Chuntao gave up on him now and decided to move on? Would he be able to accept it?
Seeing the sudden change in his expression, Shen Yi gave his shoulder a pat and sighed. "Whatever it is, if you can make amends in the future, not making the same mistake again, you can move forward."
"Dad, I feel horrible…" Shen Zichen confessed to his father. He didn't know what to do anymore after finding out everything about Li Chuntao's secret and their dead son. Where could he go from here?
Shen Yi didn't say a word and let him spill everything that he's been keeping inside. It was rare to see his son like this, especially when Zichen was the most responsible among his children while Qingqing was the most level headed.
And just like that, Shen Zichen told his father everything. From how he was kidnapped with Ying years ago to discovering the truth that it was Li Chuntao instead and about the child, product of their one night stand, who died at birth.
"So you mean to say that Li Yuren knows all of these, and yet you aren't dead, with a single bullet in your head? And I managed to escape your mother strangling me to death for failing to protect you?" Shen Yi blinked in confusion.
"Dad, please!" The younger man threw his cigarette to the bin and scowled at his father. This wasn't the right time to joke around.
"Ah, forgive me. Yes, of course, he should have known. You're lucky you're a Shen or he might have done something to you for making Li Qiao's daughter cry."
"I thought you two are friends?" It was Shen Zichen's turn now to question his father. In fact, he'd been curious about the history between the two families and why they were allies when there was no direct connection between them.
Of course, Shen Zichen had no idea that his mother was Li Yuren's ex-fiancee before marrying his father, while Li Qiao, the mother of the Li twins was Shen Yi's longtime ex-girlfriend.
"Li Yuren? My friend?" Shen Yi scoffed. "Not in this lifetime,"
The thought of people assuming that he and Li Yuren were friends sounds ridiculous to Shen Yi.
"So about the child…"
"According to records, his heart stopped beating two days before he was born." Shen Zichen told his father.
"When was the last time you met her?" Shen Yi questioned. The night was getting deeper and colder so Lingtian and Qingqing already went back inside the main house, leaving the two alone in the garden.
"About three weeks or so…"
"Three weeks? That's a long time already, Zichen. Even a day without seeing your mother is enough to make me feel uncomfortable. I don't know how you are able to endure that long without seeing or talking to her." Shen Yi sounded disappointed with his son. "With each day of your disappearance, the walls around her will strengthen. You won't be able to win her back at this rate."
Shen Zichen felt his shoulder relaxed. He suddenly felt better after this talk with his father. The two decided to call it a night, but before Shen Yi walked away, he heard his father say:
"Zichen, you cannot control nor change what happened in the past, but you can make a better future for the two of you from now on."