Is It Bad That the Main Character’s a Roleplayer?

Episode 325 If I Could (11)

I drew three pictures.

In one, there are mindless scribbles, in another there are faces that I want to see…

“…Is it okay to do this?”

North, north, north. I drew lines over and over again on a landscape that wasn’t drawn as I wanted. I wanted to rest well as the Archmage said, but strangely I couldn’t concentrate.

“hmm.”

The body that had been leaning forward to draw a picture now lay diagonally in the opposite direction.

Fluffy. The expensive felt sofa supported my body firmly. It was a very strange feeling of being uncomfortable yet comfortable.

“…I should at least read a book.”

I stayed like that for a while, then hurriedly got up and looked for something other than the picture. There was no need to call anyone because the owner of the room had a book he was reading.

After confirming that it was a swordsmanship book, I flipped through the pages for fun. It wasn’t bad, but having a leak in the middle of an accident was similar to painting.

I went through all the books in my room and gave up reading. Whether it was a swordsmanship book, a noble family story, or a fairy tale, there was nothing I was immersed in.

“…Strange.”

Can I spend my time like this instead? These thoughts kept pounding my head.

I felt even more uncomfortable because I didn’t have the anxiety of being discovered, the anxiety caused by the limited time due to the camouflage skill, or the anxiety I felt every time the priests passed by.

The complete peace that had almost been given to me for the first time was so unfamiliar and strange. I don’t fit in.

“Is it really okay to do this…?”

Moreover, there are too many screaming and crying noises that are heard outside even if they are not wanted.

I became even more upset by that sense of disconnect. I am in such a peaceful world, but outside these walls are full of screams and sorrow left behind by the great evil.

rattle.

Finally, after hesitating, he waved the bell. It wasn’t long before there was a knock on the door.

“Is there anything you need?”

“…I have something to tell your master.”

The Archmage told me to rest, but I couldn’t do it. Why is helping others putting me down in the first place? Turning away from that sound would be truly losing myself.

“If it is possible for us to meet now… could you please guide me?”

“…Please wait a moment. “I will ask Lord Soseong and come back.”

Of course, since she said so much, I won’t help too much. I waited at my seat, wondering if there was something I could do to help in some small way.

[Hogu bastard….]

‘Yes, head to head.’

As I was fighting back my angry words, the sound of unbalanced footsteps soon began to pierce my ears. Again, again, again, again. It was the sound of footsteps repeating one step and the other slowly dragging the foot.

smart.

“Can I come in?”

I think I’ve heard a voice asking for permission somewhere… “It doesn’t matter.” While I was answering, I realized its identity.

A muffled voice and the sound of footsteps limping on one leg. Both were characteristics of Soseongju.

“…I didn’t expect you to come in person.”

I got up and left Soseongju, who came alone without anyone following me. Even though I am not short, I was so tall that the gaze from below looked directly at me for a moment.

“It’s not Pasha.”

Oh, you thought it was Faust? I adjusted the hood that was pressed against his muttering.

“I’m sorry to disappoint you. “He’s sleeping over there.”

“…is it.”

In any case, it is not possible to leave a guest who comes to the room for a long time, even if his or her leg is injured. I pointed to the chair and closed the door for him.

Sweet. There is no other sign beyond the locked door.

“I heard you had something to say to me.”

Are you honored by becoming the owner of Soseong? I felt puzzled by So Seong-ju’s tone of voice, but I didn’t bother to raise the issue. If you know the body of a person but your inner self is someone else, there can be a strong sense of distance. It was a bit annoying to think deeply about.

“I am willing to help in any way I can. That’s what I wanted to say.”

“Is that so.”

But did this person always speak in such a dry tone?

“…Is there anything I can help you with?”

“It’s not like it doesn’t exist, I guess.”

Even though my position has changed, it is very different from my first impression. I looked at him hesitantly, wondering if he was that tired. He looked tired, but that didn’t seem to be the cause of his change in attitude. I’m not sure either.

“But it’s okay. “Please rest.”

“…I don’t mind helping.”

In the meantime, he was looking at me just as I was looking at him. Perhaps because of the shadows, his eyes, which seemed darker than his hair color, narrowed.

“It’s not possible.”

“why?”

“Because the Pasha asked me to.”

“…Him?”

“yes.”

How can we classify that gaze? At least it can’t be defined with just one word.

“What exactly did you ask for?”

“I asked you to support me for nine years. “I also asked that if I could accommodate them, I would do so.”

“Are you planning on listening to that?”

“of course. “She asked for it.”

Instead of dipping my hand into his deep emotions, I quietly took a half step back. Shoot! However, even though I retreated as much as possible, the dense emotions rushed to the end and faintly wet my toes.

“…It would be hard to believe since there is no evidence, but it seems like you completely trust what that child says.”

“You don’t have to have evidence to believe it… I’m that kid’s older brother.”

It was that kind of love. I quietly blinked my eyes at what I had lost. I was heartbroken and jealous, but in the end, I just felt relieved.

“If I don’t believe in that child, who will believe in that child?”

Of course, Faust also had a place to return to.

“…That’s a good thing.”

I was truly relieved. It was definitely not a feeling of relief that the owner of Soseong believed in me or that I had gained support through doing so.

“I’m really glad.”

If I had to be specific… this most closely resembles the feeling of relief upon being released from responsibility. It’s the type of liberation that comes from finding a true guardian and sending back the child you were forced to take care of in the midst of a difficult time, and finally being able to send it somewhere else.

“…I don’t know what’s good about it.”

“I’m glad I have you.”

“…I am?”

“okay.”

It’s so refreshing to have someone who can do it for me even if I don’t have to do everything.

“Because I don’t have the confidence to take full responsibility for that child.”

With a relieved heart, I put down a burden on my heart. I used to worry endlessly about Faust, who would be left behind after I left, but now I no longer worried. I felt completely relieved.

“No… if I were to express it accurately, it would be closer to saying I have neither the confidence nor the intention to do so. “I have too many feelings for that child.”

“…I heard that the kid dragged you in.”

“okay. “If you do that, there won’t be a need to talk much.”

However, this does not mean that the child should be abandoned immediately. Because that’s not right.

However… just having one alternative gave me enough peace of mind. I leaned back on the sofa feeling better than before.

“sorry.”

“…?”

But suddenly, the opponent who had stood up suddenly fell to his knees. The momentary joy quickly gave way to embarrassment.

“Why are you…”

“I am her family and her protector.”

However, So Seong-ju did not straighten his knees easily. There was a slight stain on my pants, as if the wound had burst due to my excessive actions. It was a stain staining from the inside.

“The wound—”

“I’m sorry. I’m really sorry.”

I quickly stood up and tried to help him up.

“I will pay for her mistake somehow. Whatever your request, we will do our best to accommodate it. So… please give him a chance.”

“….”

The reason I couldn’t do that was because of the desperation of the words pouring out at a rapid pace.

The outstretched hand stopped and hovered in the air, and So Seong-ju quickly spit out the rest of his words.

“I don’t even ask for forgiveness. Just don’t curse at that child. You can get angry at me and swear at me, so please be patient with that child. please.”

I glanced at my shoulders, which looked narrow and bent as I braced myself on the ground to keep my body from collapsing. Strangely, my shoulders felt heavy.

“I don’t deny that she did something wrong. But this is a child who lost his family right before his eyes. There was no other choice. So… please take this into account and be kind to me. Please do not curse or get angry at that child. “I will take care of any unresolved resentment, so please.”

I missed my parents.

“…Wake up.”

However, the prayer I am praying now was never conceived from a desperate and painful heart. There is definitely a sense of desperation created by longing, but there is no pain of not being able to breathe without you. I don’t have the courage to endure it, so I don’t have the hunger to wander around looking for your arms.

“Faust will be sad if the wound continues. “Get up.”

“…you.”

Because now there is someone who says it’s okay to be angry and feel sorry. Because there are people who ask me to write down all the sadness I have and convey it to them.

“And… I’ve already decided to give him a chance.”

Because the meal I had here was really great.

“This is the position we stand in for.”

I gave full strength to the hand that was hovering in the air and stretched it out. Soseongju was lifted up in one go, making no difference to the time he hesitated.

“Just Soseongju. “I intend to give him a chance, but there is no guarantee that he will take it.”

Of course, the story does not end here. After making So Seong-ju sit on the chair, I also leaned back on the sofa. “What do you mean…?” Su Seongju understood what I meant and his pupils widened.

“It seems like she doesn’t think of herself as worth living. “I probably also had a hand in creating that idea, so I’m not qualified to say anything… but I think you should know.”

Looking back with a slightly cooler head, having cleared away some of the old emotions, I realized something.

In the past few days, there has been nothing in particular where I blamed the child. In fact, there was definitely something there that could have been misunderstood. It was these two.

“…what should I do?”

“well.”

Actually, the story of me blaming only the child is a little different. It’s not that I got angry because the child was easy, but on the contrary, I didn’t even feel that the anger was worth getting angry at, so I was closer to abandoning it to avoid wasting time. It also played a part in the fact that if I got angry, it would only benefit that side.

However, the complicated situation would have been enough for the child to feel that he was the only one being blamed. So that part is definitely my fault.

“First of all, I’m going to constantly tell her to live. “It is true that the culprit behind all of this is the devil, and Faust was caught up in it and committed a crime, but was just another victim.”

So, that point needs to be corrected. [Gretchen, you are always just me-] I crossed my arms, ignoring the whimpering fly.

“But I’m not sure whether that will change his mind or not. So you will have to do something after that. “Whether you make that child want to live or give him or her the meaning that death should not have… that is up to you.”

It would be best if I could change Faust’s mind, but there is no guarantee that I will be able to do it. Since I plan to return there in 9 years, there is a possibility that Faust will change his mind after I leave.

I made it clear to Sosongju. Since I don’t seem like a stupid person, this alone would have been enough to understand.

“…Thank you for the advice.”

“It was something that had to be done.”

Anyway, this is really the end of the consultation with the guardian.

“So is there really nothing I can do to help?”

I somehow managed to return the topic of the conversation, which had turned into counseling, back on track. “yes.” Unfortunately, the opponent was still an iron wall.

“I’m not shameless enough to take advantage of you, but the Pasha would hate me if he found out, would you? “Please be quiet.”

“But…”

“Crucially, this situation is about this city. “Now that all urgent matters are over, I have no intention of continuing to rely on help from outsiders.”

So you also refuse reinforcements? That thought crossed my mind, but I had a hard time swallowing it down. I didn’t want to be the person who didn’t understand the meaning of those words.

“But what are you going to do now?”

However, when he asked me this question, I was speechless for a moment. I’m giving it back like this. I don’t think he knew what he was asking, but it was a very good attack.

“If you haven’t decided where to live, you can stay in this city. “The temple of this city will not be against you, and the people of this city will welcome you.”

“…Do you know who I am?”

“He is the person who saved the city, and the person my brother is indebted to. “Is there more?”

No, it would be a bit strange to just say it like that. I kept my arms crossed and raised only one hand to rub the back of my neck.

“…I have a record of running away.”

“…Can I hear the details?”

“So…”

I explained the Bemurchen incident briefly. It was something I should have told you a long time ago, but somehow I ended up delaying it.

“That’s why you can’t rely on it carelessly. “I don’t want to cause any inconvenience to you.”

No, before that, did So Seong-ju still not hear about my record? Even though people in this city may not know, quite a lot of external personnel have arrived. Could it be that no one told you?

“Ah… was that you?”

However, when my explanation was over, the other person answered calmly, as if he was relieved. It was an unexpected reaction.

“That’s okay. The temple of this city has already tolerated you. Or did you not hear anything from the Archmage?”

“…I heard that the negotiations went well.”

“You heard. That’s enough. “Since the decision has been made here at the temple, it is none of my business what other places say.”

No, isn’t that a very positive thinking circuit…? What if other cities say something?…

“You don’t have to worry about other places. Although it suffered a lot of damage due to this incident, Munmund is a city with several knights and a battle line that handles the front lines. “They don’t dare put pressure on us.”

My timid worries were cut off by the words that followed. There was something cool about it. Is this the right person in power…? Isn’t he the right person in power to risk the entire city for his brother?

“Anyway, if that’s the reason, please feel free to rely on me. “As long as I cooperate, you will have no problem leading a comfortable life.”

“No, that…”

“Ah. Of course, there is attention, so I can’t guarantee that I will let you play and eat all 9 years. But let me assure you of this one thing. “No matter which city you go to, no one will treat you better than this city.”

That’s natural, since the person who is most friendly to Faust is the leader.

I was embarrassed by Soseongju’s guarantee, so I blurted out a word.

“Just in case, I am not Faust.”

“I know.”

Fortunately, the other person didn’t know that either.

“But won’t that child also receive everything you see, feel, and experience?”

“That’s…”

“It doesn’t matter if not. “I wish you peace simply because the body is Faust’s.”

I didn’t know, but it didn’t matter. I was at a loss for words and rolled my eyes.

“I…”

“I’m not forcing you, so don’t feel too pressured. However, if you have nowhere else to go, it might be a good idea to think about it.”

“….”

“Then don’t think about going anywhere, just rest here. “I have a lot of work to do, so I’ll stop.”

Meanwhile, the person who dropped the bomb on me slowly got up and left the room. I felt both grateful and disgusted, and the ambivalence was very complicated.