Is It Bad That the Main Character’s a Roleplayer?

Chapter 291: Understandable (7)

I wiggled my fingers through the blood that had covered my ankles.

Perhaps because it wasn’t reality, the sensation wasn’t very clear. It’s like a hand left unattended on a cold winter’s day. The feeling of being cold just disappeared.

“…Is that what it really looks like?”

However, is it because the stimulation felt from the body has decreased? Or is it because the criminals who got me stuck in the mud are just around the corner?

My insides boiled even more violently than usual. It was like a reagent with a catalyst thrown out.

My vision became blurry, then clear again, and then cut like a broken thread. not good. I realized from experience that this was not a ‘good’ situation.

“I’m asking, is that what it really looks like?”

But if you know something, is that a person?

[well. Is that important?]

Giggling. The being whose face was barely visible due to the goat bones laughed. The three-piece suit and the robe worn over it looked somehow familiar.

Is this a high-level trick to make you feel nostalgic for your hometown?

[Well, since this is a long-awaited question, shall I answer it? Yes, it’s real. Unlike the physical body, whose essence is obscured by innate extroversion or acquired defects, the mental body fully reflects the ‘essence that it defines itself’. Can’t cover it or hide it. In other words, this can be said to be the ‘true self’ you want.]

No matter how I feel, she is. So, it was probably the devil, and he took one step at a time in an outfit that was popular in Korea 1 or 2 years ago.

It was a walk that started from the spot next to the boy and drew an oval around me. A person passing me on my left at an appropriate distance smiled brightly.

[But at that point. You too are very mixed up.]

The body of the person I had obviously kept a distance from suddenly stood behind me.

[Or are you thinking of the present you as separate from the past you?]

However, the words that followed were too heavy for me to be startled and put in check by that approach.

My eyes turned to the floor in confusion. My face is vaguely reflected on the surface of the blood.

[Poor Gretchen.]

It was the face of an ‘evil knight.’ The face of a demon knight with only black hair and burn marks covering his chin and cheeks.

[Whether it is forgotten or thought of separately, it is truly pitiful.]

Although it has the characteristics of ‘me’, it is still not mine.

[Originally, I wouldn’t have had to do this.]

I clenched my fists as I felt the devil’s laughter recede. The person whose lips have already been dug in is dripping blood.

[How long are you going to take more time than that? Are you hoping that Gluttony will advance?]

And then again. The devil’s steps stopped halfway between me and the boy. I was so offended by the sight of him standing slightly off-center from the front that I momentarily tightened my neck.

“I’m sorry…”

But my words couldn’t be vomited out. The boy spoke again.

“I’m really… sorry…”

Naturally, my attention was focused on that. All the hardships I went through after coming here made a blood clot in my neck.

“what…!”

What am I sorry for? What am I sorry about? Do you know the essence of what you have to apologize for and say so? The things I’ve been through and the burden I carry. Is it true that you are trying to apologize while understanding and sympathizing with all of that?

“I…”

Originally, there was no reason for me to be in this much pain. For over a year, I missed my father, mother, and friends and had nothing to live for. There was no need to forget my face and cry out for all the peace I had enjoyed.

Killing people is also the same as feeling pain while watching people dying. It wasn’t my job to struggle and commit even more crimes, or to cry out in the face of mounting guilt. It wasn’t anything I would have experienced. There is not a single burden here for me to carry.

Originally, it was like that.

“I didn’t make that choice…”

But because of you.

“I shouldn’t have invited you…”

Just because of you.

“sorry. “I’m really sorry…”

Because of you alone…

“I’m so sorry…”

I said you…

“Why?”

If it weren’t for you, I would have lived well.

“Why are you so young?”

If it weren’t for you, I would still be happy now.

“Why are you so young that you can’t even get angry?…”

I said.

“…Oh no. I…”

“If you’re this young…”

“That’s not it, ah…”

There was anger that I wanted to express. I was angry and wanted to vent my anger by yelling and screaming. The adversity and hardships I experienced on my way here were so deep that I had many resentments that grew old even though I didn’t want them to.

“If I’m this young, where should I be angry…”

But in front of the little boy, I couldn’t bear it.

The damn kid was so short that the top of his head barely touched my shoulder. It was that small. It was so, so small. They say that the image of the image is the essence, but this guy was a kid who defined himself as a boy.

“It’s okay to be angry! You can pay! Because I did everything wrong… I did everything wrong…!!”

That’s why I was so young.

I couldn’t get angry at all.

The child was too small to do that.

“Please don’t hold back. Because it’s true that I did something wrong. Everything that was bothering you was my fault… So…”

I walked through the blood and stood in front of the boy. The boy was not only short. His face was small, his hands were small, and his limbs were thin.

According to my guess, he was clearly the child of a knight, and this was despite the fact that he was a talented child who ranked first in the entrance exam. I was young. He was a young kid.

“Because I’m the bad guy…!!” I

was just a child…

“…don’t forgive me. Please don’t forgive me. “Please…”

I hugged the child carefully. “I don’t deserve forgiveness…” The chest where the child’s face touched immediately became moist. The trembling body was so thin and small.

“Please don’t forgive me…”

The starting point of the misfortune I experienced here was also miserable.

“It’s all my fault…”

I slowly shed tears. “Why is life so shitty?” It was a very harsh world.

[…Are you kidding me?]

And the sound of shoes echoing next to the falling tears. [Are you kidding me?] The blood-soaked white world suddenly shook.

[I’ve been in so much pain that I felt like I was going to die, but you forgive me just because I’m a brat? Are you really a bastard?]

Tick. Tick. The devil twisted his lips, turning away from the white that was starting to crack like a spider’s web. What can be seen between the eye sockets of the goat bone is the darkness that obscures even the devil’s face. Instead of real eyes, the red light that hung like a decorative button was burning brightly.

[He said he was going to kill half and kill half.]

I don’t know what the raw materials are.

I hugged the child a little harder in front of the goat bone that aroused my anger. The child, who had been shaking from the moment it made a sound, held his breath, not even making a cry. Just like children who have been abused by adults.

[Was the anger so shallow that it was resolved just because of one appearance? Nope. I know. I know how angry you are and how angry you are.]

“….”

[I know that you have a rage inside that won’t go away no matter how many times you strangle that child and stab his body with a knife.]

Heep. The boy in my arms trembled again. Do you want to fall? Maybe so. However, the child trembled once and relaxed his body as if complying.

“You can do that.”

A small murmur rang in my ears.

[Don’t hold back. You don’t have to endure it. You deserve it. Not only have cancer! If you don’t deserve it, then who does?]

“If that relieves your anger.”

[This is just an image anyway. Even if you get strangled, you won’t die. Even if you stab me with a knife, you won’t die. So don’t hold back. You don’t have to endure it!]

“I’m fine.”

[No one can blame you! No one!]

Ah.

really.

[So, be patient Gretchen─]

It was a very harsh world.

“Open your mouth, you bastard.” Are you really crazy about wanting to be a part of it? “You fucking gaslighted me in front of me, you bastard.”

I pulled out the two-hender from my back and threw it. Has it been there from the beginning? I’m not sure about that. I thought I just wanted to throw the knife, so naturally the knife caught in my hand and flew away.

[…You didn’t mean to attack me?]

“When you sold your conscience, did you also sell your concepts? Why do you think the sword won’t come at you when you are the one who provided the cause and yet you are blaming the child so much? “Do you think I’m an upperclassman who can’t even understand the context?”

At the same time, the anger that I had barely suppressed rose again.

Do you think I’m not angry because I’m not upset right now? Do you think the misery of being in a situation where you can neither forgive nor criticize is unfair?

I am also human. Why do I have to go through this and why do I have to lose the opportunity to be legitimately angry? I don’t like it, I’m disgusted, and I’m annoyed.

“It’s true that this kid did something wrong. That’s true, but that doesn’t mean it’s all his fault. Did he call me for fun? “He’s so bored with life in this world that he calls me to be the one to screw someone over?”

But is it right to be swayed by emotions and get angry? Does the misfortune I experienced excuse me from blindfolding and randomly cutting people down?

“No. “If it wasn’t for you asshole, this wouldn’t have happened in the first place.”

Some people might think so. But I wasn’t. I didn’t want to be that person.

I wanted to be a person who was proud of myself.

“I’d rather ask that. Does it feel good to live like that?”

[…What?]

“Do you think it would be good to live a life of killing entire families and becoming parasites in order to take over a child’s body, then harassing them into giving up their bodies, and inciting hatred and disgust in others?”

Also, it is not honorable at all to blame everything on this little child and just blame him. It wasn’t something I would do when I was over 30 years old.

“If you tell me to live a life like that of a superior, I think I’ll just die of shame.”

therefore. So… I turned the cowering child behind me.

It was enough to get angry and scold me after hearing why it was me, why I wasn’t saying anything, and why there was no other way, even after I beat that bastard to death.

It wasn’t just this child who should suffer karma, but that bastard as well.

[…So are you going to forgive that child?]

“No. This is not a sin that can be forgiven. But I won’t be the kind of person who doesn’t give a child a chance to protest.”

[Wow, that’s really surprising.]

Now that I think about it, you said earlier that you didn’t die even if you were strangled or stabbed with a knife because it was just a mental picture. That’s a little disappointing. If that bastard cuts off his head now, he might be able to be free.

[Well, that’s right. It’s not like I don’t know you. I already expected that it wouldn’t be easy.]

Oh no. There is no guarantee that I will win, so I might be lucky. I pictured a sword in my mind, relieved that the status quo would remain even at the worst possible moment.

When you look at comics or novels, why don’t you create and destroy things just by imagining things when you enter the world of imagination? As I was imagining the two-hender just now, it felt like I was caught from behind.

[I still don’t understand it, but…]

So I tried it just in case… Fortunately, it worked. Grumbling. A long sword with a sharp blade was held in my hand.

[But, Gretchen, did I allow you the truth for no reason?]

“…Oh no!”

But before I could take any action, a shock came from behind. The impact of the shock was even greater due to the blood that filled the floor.

Slippery. My body fell down due to the force of the push.

“Sigh.”

I took a few steps to avoid falling, but it was no use. I ended up falling flat on the floor and immediately got up. I’m lucky there’s no blood on my body, but my nose feels tingly.

“Why is Mi—!”

I momentarily forgot my anger and raised my head, holding my nose. Cheaeng! An eerie metallic sound erupted in front of me.

“Don’t even think about leaving!”

[Well. Why should I do that?]

「The contract is…!」

[You broke it first.]

The devil and the boy were crossing swords. Fast and rough, at a speed that I can’t even see.

[You were the one who asked me to keep my mouth shut in the contract. Among us, you were the first to break that rule.]

「…!」

[Why should I endure it in a situation like that?]

Even if you couldn’t see every single move, it was clear who was winning.

Just as I was a head and a half taller than the boy, the devil was also a head and a half taller than the boy. It is said that one side had an advantage in terms of physique.

[Kid, you can’t stop me anymore.]

Even the power I felt was superior to the devil. No, it wasn’t about being superior. The level was different.

Coo! The white world collapsed. What you see behind it is pitch black darkness and a huge chain.

“…Not yet.”

I instinctively moved my gaze along the chain. I saw something tied to chains. It was a huge hand. A giant hand made by gathering and gathering flames.

“Not yet.”

Sigh!

Accordingly, the boy also hung a chain on the devil. Even though it was not a path that could not be avoided, the devil stretched out his hands as if he was forced to do so and was immediately caught in the chains.

[Tsk.]

The devil tilted his barely visible lips. It seemed either annoyance at the situation or a mockery.

[But once the truth is told, the story changes.]

But one thing was certain.

[Keep your ‘promise’, kid.]

Those bastards have forgotten me.

I threw the knife at the devil in anger.