I Will Live As An Actor

I will live as an actor Episode 122

Psychology.

When you act as an actor, you don’t just study the script. Just as there are numerous annotations in a thesis, even a detailed performance would require numerous side steps. One of them was psychology.

Over the past few days, England has been devouring the writings of famous psychologists such as Freud and Gustav Jung. The reading that began to understand the behavior patterns of the butcher Lee Gyeol did not stop at simply consuming books.

-Professor, if you have time, may I ask you a question?

After the criminal mock trial exam, I visited department head Shin Jeong-gil’s office. The old professor, with his white hair, smiled kindly and offered his seat. He then poured warm tea into a teacup and elaborated.

-Student Jang Young-guk: What were you curious about that made you come to me as soon as the exam was over? Are you curious about the legal answer to a test question?

I wanted to know about criminal psychology. Butcher Lee Gyeol clearly heard his brother’s will. However, he did not accept his brother’s will and headed straight to the palace. It was a process of transformation into a deposed king who was called the worst tyrant in Joseon history.

-Criminal psychology…

The corners of the eyes of the old professor sitting across from me are strangely bent.

-That’s an interesting question. As student Jang Young-guk said, there are often criminals whose personalities change suddenly. People say that animals like humans can control their emotions and thoughts, but from the perspective of a legal scholar, I don’t think that’s true at all. An example would be the Mangwon-dong murder case that occurred in 1987. This is a case where a child who was experiencing domestic violence murdered his family. He had been beaten for over a dozen years, but at some point, his suppressed anger exploded and he not only killed his parents, but also his grandmother who had raised him.

The old professor lifted his teacup, quenched his throat a little, and continued speaking.

-When I first took on this case at the Western District Court, there were a lot of things that puzzled me. I wonder if it can really be said that a juvenile criminal killed not only his parents but also his grandmother who cared about him. There are several types of murder. Retaliatory type, power type, and expressive. Among these, the retaliatory type seemed to be the only type that applied to juvenile offenders. But there was no immediate answer. Because I couldn’t figure out why I killed my grandmother.

Professor Noh’s eyes are tentatively closed, as if he is reminiscing about the past.

-Not even the prosecutor could infer the answer to that. The same was true for the public defender who was defending the juvenile offender. In the end, as a judge, I couldn’t contain my curiosity and asked a question at the trial. Why on earth did you brutally murder the grandmother who cared for you so much? The Juvenile Justice Department, which had been exercising its right to remain silent, suddenly spoke out. And the answer that came back was simple and clear. Because I neglected it.

The teacup is placed loudly, awakening my complicated mind.

-It was the first time that I, as a judge, wore a uniform and sentenced a juvenile criminal to death. Currently, the juvenile law has been strengthened and the death penalty cannot be imposed. Student Jang Young-guk Do you know what the last words that child said to me as he left the courtroom?

Wasn’t it a whirlwind of anger and revenge? However, the answer that followed was sharply different from England’s thoughts.

-It was to say thank you. The juvenile offender was regretful. Not only did you kill your parents with your own hands, but you also brutally murdered your grandmother, who raised you like a golden girl. Although many years have passed, I still remember the look in the boy’s eyes as he walked out of the courtroom.

The set begins to appear out of the car window. Eventually, the car stops and England closes the psychology book he was reading. As you enter the costume room provided on the set, you can see the outfit you will be wearing today. This is the dragon robe worn by Yeonsangun Lee Yung. Now, the butcher Lee Gyeol will wear those clothes and travel through the government on behalf of his older brother.

-The person mentioned by student Jang Young-guk is probably going through the same transitional period as that juvenile offender. Human emotions are not machines. This means that it does not close and open with a single button.

Professor Noh’s last words linger in England’s mind as he wears the dragon robe.

-A famous psychologist said that. People say they regret because their emotions cannot be controlled.

* * *

“Youngmin, please leave for a little while.”

The famous PD holds AD Kim Young-min’s shoulder. Originally, I would have had to give direction instructions on behalf of the producer who was leading the preparations for the filming site, but I couldn’t do that now. The famous PD nods towards Kim Young-min, who looks puzzled.

“Look at England right now, he’s concentrating like that, but you can’t breathe at a time like this.”

The scene I will be filming soon is one that requires emotion. Isn’t this a scene where you have to gradually express the feelings that are building up in your heart? In a way, it can be said to be a turning point in the drama. This is because it was the first scene in which the tyrant that the public was familiar with was revealed.

“Whew.”

At that moment, England was sorting out his complicated thoughts. After becoming a crank, I continued to read the script. The psychological state of Baekjeong Lee Gyeol, who seemed as if he would never be caught, was somewhat relieved thanks to the help of Professor Shin Jeong-gil.

However, I was not sure yet whether I would be able to film well. That’s because it was his first time playing a character whose emotions change so rapidly.

‘Are you growing?’

It’s a feeling I’ve felt every time in my past life. The fact is that I am gradually growing while acting. England felt that way every time he filmed ‘The Secret of King Yeonsan’.

After all, it was like the first time in my life that I was playing two roles. I had to portray characters with different personalities and emotional tones as if they were one person. Soon, the lights at the filming site begin to turn on one by one. For the cue sign that will start soon.

The eyes of Lee Gyeol, a butcher sitting in the king’s bed in Gangnyeongjeon, are bloodshot and red. It was the death of my only brother. Even so, it was not possible to carry out the body according to the will. I buried him on a small mound in Geolsangol and promised that I would bury him again someday.

There were no eunuchs on the ridge to shout good fortune, and instead of wailing, the funeral was filled with only the low hooting of owls. The death of a king called the father of a nation was nothing short of shabby.

“Your Majesty, I will supervise Yacham.”

A poem comes into Gangnyeongjeon with Nine’s voice. In his small hand, he holds a yada sobangga with snacks and tea. It was rumored that Yeonsan felt pity for Saksaksi, so Saksaksi’s face showed no fear when he visited the king’s bedroom. But that was then.

“Go back.”

At the sudden voice of anger, I raise my head without realizing it. At that moment, Saksaksi takes a deep breath as she faces the king’s red, bloodshot eyes.

“The best course of action is to refrain from thinking and call Naegeumwijang right now.”

Sangchaek (尙冊) hurriedly raises his thoughts and sends them out. Doesn’t it feel like something bad is going to happen at any moment? Sangchaek bows politely without showing his back and leaves Gangnyeongjeon.

Soon after, Kim Ho-in, the head of the National Guard, enters Gangnyeongjeon.

“What is the condition of the official attire?”

“According to the doctor, there is no danger to life, but there will be restrictions on movement for a while. Your Highness.”

A look of curiosity is evident on the face of Naegeumwijang Kim Ho-in, who is prostrate and bowing his head. What on earth happened that caused a private guard in the king’s inner circle to receive a deep stab wound? Moreover, the atmosphere in Gangnyeongjeon is unusual.

“Commissioner Naegeum tells Lim Sa-hong to enter the palace immediately.”

“I will follow your orders.”

In the empty Gangnyeongjeon, the butcher Lee Gyeol is staring into space with his eyes wide open. It is a quiet palace, as if nothing had happened. Before my eyes, I vividly remember the look in my brother’s eyes as he slowly died, like a dying lamp, holding my hand.

The staff watching the scene beyond the filming site held their breath as if they were telling the king to stay up all night. Tears flow endlessly between red, bloodshot eyes.

“Your Majesty Lim Sahong has arrived.”

Lim Sa-hong and Naegeumwijang enter Gangnyeongjeon. Lim Sa-hong could not help but be taken aback by the sudden decision to enlist him in the palace. Baekjeong Lee Gyeol knows Lim Sa-hong.

Isn’t this the person who argued with him in the tavern on the day of the late king’s state funeral procession? He was a person who, upon seeing his face, mistakenly thought it was the crown prince and buried his nose on the floor.

“There is something you can help me with.”

“Your Highness. Please give me orders for anything…!”

Lim Sa-hong’s nostrils flutter as he lies flat on the floor. You know it instinctively. What kind of rope has been handed down to you now? Butcher Lee Gyeol looks down on such a treacherous figure.

Didn’t you hear about what kind of person he was through your older brother? But what good is it, treacherous or not? He just needed a justification for the blade he wielded.

“Listen to me, Captain Naegeum. We are mobilizing all the soldiers of Geumgunsancheong right now.”

Naegeumcam Kim Ho-in’s eyes widen as if torn. When we say Geumgunsancheong, isn’t it a combination of the Naegumwi (內禁衛), Gyeomsabok (兼司僕), and Woorimwi (羽林衛), who were in charge of protecting the royal family during the Joseon Dynasty?

It was virtually impossible for all soldiers of Geumgunsancheong to be mobilized except when a major problem arose within the palace.

“Lim Sa-hong, you probably know how my mother died.”

“Your Highness…! Please kill God. I did not have the strength to fight back at the time, so I could not help the heavy warrior!”

“The apparent justification is because Lim Sa-hong told me the truth about my mother’s death. Do you understand?”

“…!”

‘What on earth are you going to do?’

Lim Sa-hong’s face is turning blue and tired. However, on the contrary, Lee Gyeol’s face was turning red. I don’t know if it’s because of anger or suppressing sadness.

Mother’s death?

It was the death of my mother that I had heard about from my older brother. However, the butcher Lee Gyeol did not feel anger about the death of his mother, whom he did not even see. Rather, it could be said that the emotions welling up deep in his heart right now were because of his brother who died on his behalf.

Lee Gyeol stands up and flaps his fine clothes. Lim Sa-hong’s face is lowered, unable to breathe, as his eyes look as if he will cut off his own head at any moment.

Lee Gyeol thinks of his older brother with red, bloodshot eyes. It was my older brother who told me to live for myself. But I couldn’t do that. When I think of my brother’s body buried in a nameless mound, I feel the strong scent of blood in my mouth. I will also bring that bloody smell to those who made my brother like that.

“Listen to me, Captain Naegeum. From now on, those who have been plotting treason.”

Lee Gyeol speaks firmly to the prostrate Naegeum Commander.

“Punishment.”

The tyrant’s signal rang out.