Heather the Necromancer

Book 2: Chapter 25: Pizza at last

Heather took a deep breath to smell spices in the air. The trip into the village of Bronberg took longer than expected and forced Frank and Quinny to take another potion. Thankfully Grettah brewed a bunch of each, and they had no trouble continuing.

The town was a wonder of stone and wooden buildings that created a colorful canvas of variation. The main road was even more fascinating. It was cut into the earth itself so that once you went down the gentle ramp, you were twenty feet below the rest of the land. Here the bare rock of the hill was exposed and cut into this rock were the shops and homes of the dwarves. Every one of these buildings was ornately carved, decorated, and often hung with plants and flowers.

Above, there was a street on either side of the lower road, or the rut, by the locals. Up here were the wooden and brick buildings. This is where the human and other races had homes and shops. Sturdy wooden bridges crossed over from one side to the other, giving the whole area the feeling of being in a shopping mall.

Outside the rut, many of the dwarven buildings were either stout stone bunkers, or were built into hills and were partially underground. Devlina led them to one of these hill buildings where round windows of diamond-shaped glass ran around the perimeter. Several chimneys poked around the back edge of the hill, and smoke wafted from all of them.

The edge of the hill that faced the road was cut back, and a stone wall ran the entire length. This side had square windows to catch the afternoon sun, and Heather's heart began to beat faster to see tables inside. A pair of tall wooden doors with a sign sat in the middle of this expanse. The sign was cut into a circle painted to resemble a pizza. Hanging from chains beneath it was a second sign that read Papa Stonebeards.

Heather's stomach cried out for joy, causing them all to stare at her and laugh.

We better feed that thing before it gets angry, Devlina laughed.

Walking through the doorway was like walking into another world. The walls where white plaster with dark wooden beams. The ceiling was all wooden beams and panels carved with intricate patterns and images. Paintings of mountain scenes or foods adorned the walls giving the place almost a historic feel. The floor was made of polished slate tiles of black streaked with reds and pinks. The lighting was dim, coming mostly from the windows, but deeper in, there were metal chandeliers. These were hung with rope and chain and covered with candles. It gave the place a quiet ambiance that made her feel right at home. The most interesting thing in the place were the tables. All of them were round with holes in the center. Closer to the windows, the tables were smaller, but the farther back you went, the larger they became. Devlina took them to the back wall and sat them at one of the largest.

The high backed chairs were made a sandy redwood and trimmed out with cushions to make them more comfortable. Heather bounced excitedly as they sat around the table.

A moment later, a tall thin human woman with blond hair tied in a tail arrived with a smile.

So, what would you fine folks like for your pizza?

Heather looked around the table, unsure of how to answer.

Do you have menus? she asked.

Devlina laughed. Just bring them a classic and get the girl some stone chips before she starts eating the table.

The waitress nodded and went to turn away when Heather remembered something.

Oh, umm, A friend of ours told us to say he sent us here.

And who is your friend, luv? the waitress asked.

Harkinor, Heather responded.

The woman smiled. That scoundrel is out chasing the girls again, is he. You know he was in here just the other day saying he'd seen a cute zombie girl. Said he'd like the chance to see if he could bring her back to life.

Heather glanced at Quinny as the woman spoke and saw the smile on her face.

Dont you worry, I will take care of ya, the waitress added and sauntered away.

So when is the wedding? Heather asked.

Quinny smiled and shook her head. Men are like fish. I like to catch and release them. If you keep them around too long, they start to smell.

Youre horrible, Heather remarked and looked back to the others. Oh, we never told her what size pizza we wanted.

Yes, we did, Devlina said.

Heather thought back to the conversation and shook her head. No, you told her we wanted a classic, and that was it.

Trust me. She knows exactly what size to bring.

The waitress returned with two pitchers of liquids. One was a frothy beer, the other a dark sweet tea. Cups made of polished wood were handed out, and Heather marveled that these too were carved with little scenes.

A moment later, the woman returned with a long narrow platter of what looked like potato chips. They were thick as a finger and covered in salt, rosemary, and oil.

One platter of stone chips, and for friends of Harkinor a wedge sampler.

They watched as four baskets of triangular-shaped cheeses were placed down. They were coated in breading and toasted to perfection. Each basket had a bowl of some kind of sauce, and each sauce was different.

Cheese sticks, Quinny said as she dipped a wedge and took a bite. This sauce is really good.

They all sampled the cheeses to discover a wide range of flavors and textures. The sauces were all a bit spicy but paired well with the cheese. When the platters were empty, they sat back and talked as they waited.

This trip is already worth it, Heather said as she sipped a tea.

Were lucky they don't have a no shoes, no shirt policy, Frank said as he sat beside her practically naked.

Ha, it would be hysterical if you had to wait outside anyway, she laughed.

I wouldnt think it was funny, he said.

I would have brought you out a stone chip, she teased.

He shook his head as the room began to fill with more people from a fantastic array of races.

It's funny, Heather began. In the real world, everybody is human, and we can't get along. Here there are dozens of races that look very different, and they get along fine.

Unless its a monster race, Breanne said sourly.

That's my point. Everybody is fine with a hero race, but the second you call something a monster race, it's ok to be mean to it.

That's built into the system, Frank said. People come in knowing the monsters, and the heroes will fight.

But you assumed you would be able to use the cities, she pressed.

I did too, Devlina said. I didnt mind the players coming out to the lairs to battle us, but I assumed the cities would be a neutral ground. I also didnt expect the players to keep destroying my home point and resetting me.

I don't understand, Heather said. It's like humans must have something to fight against, or they don't feel fulfilled.

Maybe that's why we're here, Frank said.

What do you mean? Heather asked.

He tapped a finger on the table as he pondered his answer.

What if we're not here so the visitors can learn about us, but so we can learn about ourselves. They created a place where humans can practice the worst elements of their nature without truly hurting anyone. Maybe they want us to repeat our mistakes until we see the futility of them.

Hmm, Heather said as she considered the thought. It circled in her head for only a moment when her eyes went wide.

Six people arrive carrying a metal dish with steam wafting off the top. The dish was five feet across, and they laid the edge on the table and then slid it until it fell into the hole at the center.

Oh, my God! Heather cried as the sea of cheese and sauce arrived before her.

Its Chicago all over again! Grettah added.

Four sets of cutters and spatulas were laid on the table so they could cut away what they wanted. Stone plates that were more like small platters were placed before each of them. A stack of cloth napkins was added, and the drink pitchers were refilled.

Enjoy! the woman said as she and the others hurried away.

So much for a thin crust, Quinny complained.

This pizza has to be three inches thick! Heather said as she probed it with a knife.

The top layer was sauce over a belt of cheese and spices. Carefully she cut a hunk of it away, and Frank had to help her pry it up and get it on her plate. This revealed another surprise that made them all gawk.

Is that sausage? Quinny said as they saw the pizza in profile.

It sure is, Devlina said.

There is a solid layer of sausage inside the whole pizza? Heather asked.

Who wants to take a bite of pizza without sausage? Devlina asked.

This is ridiculous, Heather said as she used a fork to try a bit.

The fork struggled to slice through the thick layers and then left long strings of cheese as she put it in her mouth. They all watched as she chewed away and used her hand to break the long strands that hung over her chin.

Well? Grettah asked.

The sauce is spicy like the dips. The cheese is perfect, and the sausage is amazing, Heather said. But I can't chew it; there is so much cheese.

They quickly cut in, and pizza disappeared at an alarming rate. An hour and a potion later, they sat back sick from eating with half a pizza still in the middle of the table.

I have cheese poisoning, Grettah sobbed as the others sat nearly immobile in the chairs.

So you pick the size of the pizza by choosing a table, Frank asked.

Devlina smiled and nodded. Right you are. If you want a small pizza, you sit up front.

I cant believe they call this pizza. This is more like lasagna, Heather said.

It is very good, Breanne commented. I am glad they provided forks.

Nobody could eat this with their hands, Quinny added. I am surprised they didnt provide saws.

So, was it everything you hoped for? Devlina asked.

Heather nodded as she leaned back in her chair comfortably over full. She pondered the thought of trying to eat more despite the knowledge that she had already eaten too much. She was pretty sure she would die if she tried, but hey, she would respawn right?

As the night rolled on, the pizza slowly whittled away, and Heather found for once she was truly happy. Maybe, just maybe, this world wouldn't be such a bad place to live in after all.