Chapter 89: Puppets To Desire
We moved very carefully today to safely reach the deeper into the fifth floor, but thanks to the increase in levels of [Enhanced Drop Chance] we made more than last time, a total of $772.
It's more than enough to cover our daily expenses, and since we were doing fine at home, there was no need to go to the market today, but still, I chose to have Beatrice tag along.
There are a few reasons for that, firstly, I wanted to test if there would be any problems at all having her around since she's not registered. Since she's a normal human, as expected, there was no trouble at all, which makes me question a bit about the effectiveness of the current system when it comes to humans from other worlds.
Unlike other races, if any managed to slip through, it would be pretty hard to detect them after all.
Going back to Beatrice though, since she helped out with the situation inside the dungeon yesterday and also with what was going on with Licia and Claire, I thought she deserved to be rewarded appropriately.
There was also another reason but before I could get to that she had us change venues.
Of all things, she decided to use her budget on a cosmetics store.
Now normally, the girls are the fish out of water in most places I take them to, but this time I was the one feeling completely out of place.
I usually just buy the basics at the market, and while I've thought about hygiene and bought personal care items for everyone when it comes to things like shampoo, soap, and such, I kind of just bought a larger stock of what I've been buying for myself all these years.
The girls' interest in such things was increasing as they were learning more about everything Earth has to offer.
Beatrice: "There are fewer people here too, so I think this is pretty convenient, no?"
This store was quite big considering the amount of people coming and going. It's a mystery to me how they turn a profit like this.
It does give us a bit more space to talk, and as expected, even though I hadn't said anything to her yet, she already knew the primary reason I wanted to be alone with her, even hinting at it with her words.
Aside from that. I don't know if it was intentional, but the place she chose killed two birds with one stone as it was of growing importance for the girls while also providing a more adequate local for us to talk.
Beatrice: "I believe this is about yesterday?"
Miwen: "Spot on. I'm happy that you helped the girls but..."
Choosing my words carefully was a bit hard, I had to pinpoint the discussion, but I was still unsure about her words back then.
Whenever I think back to it, I can only conclude that I was her target back then, and her words felt a bit dreadful as if she saw a part of me that neither the girls nor myself could see.
It's scary how she made the pretty devoted girls reflect on their loyalty with words alone, and while I don't want to approach her as an enemy since I can tell using my Gift that she's definitely not, It's still clear that she would be capable of disrupting us if she so desired.
Even more so considering that the girls look up to her as a mature and logical woman, and it's pretty common for them to seek advice from Beatrice, leading them to highly value her opinion.
As such, I need to have a better grasp of what she's thinking...
Miwen: "What is it, that you wanted to tell me?"
Beatrice: "Hm... You know, I'm pretty skeptical, so when I see someone acting like a saint, I can't help but think what's in it for them..."
So I was right then. She doesn't think about people superficially. In her eyes, people's words and their actions don't matter as much as their reasons.
When you want to protect yourself, this mentality makes you the strongest. It also leads to a pretty solitary life as you'll often come to the same conclusion... that people ultimately act in a way that benefits them.
In reality, that's nothing wrong with that, it's what allows us to thrive in the first place. But the more you indulge yourself in this line of thinking, the harder it will be to form meaningful connections, as you'll always find a benefit in others' actions.
It's a self-fulfilling prophecy though, as this will make you distance yourself more and more from others, making you unable to see that the people closest to you sometimes act with your happiness in mind too.
Sure, it's still an egoistic desire, as they want you to be happy because your happiness also makes them happier, but it proves that egoistical desires can also be used to help others, so while there might not be a perfectly selfless action out there, egoistical ones that are done for the sake of others also work just fine.
Criticism of warped worldviews that chuuni kids like aside, I know that the girls see my actions as being pure and whatnot, but the benefit for me is explicit enough that I don't feel like I need to remind them of it.
I put in effort to help them live their lives as happily as they can because, in exchange, they also help me with the same. It's through their might that I can climb so fast and possibly reach greater heights.
And sure, I might do more than what they think a normal person would, but one's own nature and how far they're willing to go for someone else vary a lot. There's also the fact that I feel responsible for taking them to a world that might as well be alien to them while having nothing to their names, and also making them as powerless as possible thanks to the conditions they are summoned in.
Miwen: "Well, I can see why they would think that, but I barely pass as a good person, in my eyes I'm just-"
Beatrice: "Precisely. They only think that because of the way you act towards them. But that is not the way you act toward everyone."
...
For a long time now, my kindness towards the girls has been the main gear moving us along.
Sometimes they have their own opinions about that, but it seems like I've jumped the gun thinking it was going to circle back to how I treat them.
No... this seems to be just a part of what Beatrice has in mind.
Beatrice: "One time is an exception, two times a coincidence... three times is a pattern, wouldn't you agree?"
Miwen: "...Depends on what you're talking about."
Beatrice: "The elves back then would hardly categorize you as a kind person. The same could be said about the guys from yesterday."
Is she saying that I should've been kind to them? Really?
Ain't no way. Even now I still haven't forgiven those elves, if I meet them outside the dungeon I'll be sure to give them a proper lesson.
The party from yesterday is much the same, forget about being kind, they aren't even worthy of mercy.
Still...
Miwen: "I thought two times were only a coincidence?"
Beatrice: "...I happened to overhear your conversation with Mia the other day... about how you want revenge. I could see in your eyes a very strong desire... unlike these other times, it wasn't because you wanted to protect her... no, Mia is already safe in your care... what you wanted was to destroy those in your path...
to hurt humiliate them, to hurt them... to make them pay..."
Miwen: "All of that just from looking into my eyes?"
Beatrice: "But you're not saying I'm wrong."
Because she is not.
But Mia is a special case. They did hurt her. And they also hurt me.
Their greediness caused the death of a good woman, and the despair of her daughter.
They hurt someone I care about, they took the life of someone I had grown to like. It's only natural that I'll do my best to make them pay.
Beatrice: "It's hard to believe that the person who is willing to do so much for others, is the same who wants to attack and destroy a whole kingdom for revenge. I could even go as far as to call it contradictory, do you care about others, or do you not? But well... it's not that complex. It's pretty simple actually.
In your world, there are two categories of people, allies and potential allies on one side... and on the other, enemies and potential enemies. There's a drastic difference in the way you act toward each camp."
Miwen: "Hm... Is that so? How do you explain Roy and Sam though? They were on the other side back there, and I was still willing to help them out."
Beatrice: "Because they were not enemies. From your perspective, they weren't a threat, and you feel like you can make them allies. Either way, if a fight had started and you found them on the other side... you would still fight them, would you not?"
She got me there. Unlike Claire, I would most definitely hold back against them, while at the same time, I couldn't care less about the other party...
She's completely right. But I still don't think I'm wrong at all. By all means, those guys weren't deserving of the same treatment.
Beatrice: "...Given that, having an unfeeling, uncaring, and unthinking killing machine is pretty useful right? Claire's way of showing loyalty to you is convenient, so you couldn't admonish her completely, even though in that situation, you were inclined to agree with Licia."
Miwen: "But I gave her freedom to choose when to use lethal force or not."
Beatrice: "Which is even more convenient for you, as from that she'll infer that she'll try to align her use of lethal force on enemies who better align with your definitions. Oh, but don't think I find that bad. In the end, I only gave them a clue to further dig deeper into your character and work considering your true desires... even those you might not realize yourself."
...
This woman... she's dangerous.
I thought we stood on equal grounds, but this is not true at all.
Had I continued to follow this path, I might be able to see through people the way she does, but I understood how wrong that was long ago. It felt right at the time, and I still believe in a balanced approach of skepticism and optimism, but it does make me way weaker than she is right now.
I can't find fault in her words.
I'm indeed trying my hardest to make the girls happy, but even if subconsciously, there is a hidden nature that contributes to my decisions, instinct making me choose that which benefits me even though I'm consciously putting their happiness as my priority.
Beatrice: "A kind and pure king is great for the prosperity of a nation, by caring for his citizens, he can make great strides for internal development. It does make him look weaker to others though. In this case, a cold and bold king, who uncaringly ends those in his way, be them external or internal forces, might be the only option for the security of a kingdom...
I think you might just do for a fine king..."
Miwen: "Looking so deep into others might be dangerous. Aren't you afraid that by telling me all this I'll be wary of you, thus putting you in the potential enemy category?"
Beatrice: "Maybe. But I'm betting it will only strengthen my position. After all, you already knew that I'm loyal to you and now you know that I can serve your deepest desires, which I intend to do wholeheartedly, be they what they may. If you think about it, since I'm the only one who can serve you like this, am I not your biggest ally? And either way, there's also a backup I can use."
Even though we weren't so far apart, she further approached me, her eyes and her lips showing a lustful smile that was a destructive force in its purpose to ensnare men.
In a surprise move, she stood on tiptoes to make up for our height difference, her tongue entered my mouth and her arms enveloped me as she brought me even closer, our bodies now sticking together.
She caught me by surprise, and in that brief exchange, she held the upper hand. Her tongue moved in search of mine. Whenever they met, they would intertwine as she filled my mouth with her saliva.
My nose was filled by her sweet feminine smell which combined with her sweet taste, made me lose my rationale as I grabbed her waist in an instinctive move to take back control.
Thanks to that, it felt easier for me to move, but I still had to fight every step of the way for control against her tongue movements. Worse yet, I needed my hands to strongly keep her at bay, but knowing how close they were to that enticing plump ass, it was a battle all on its own to not give in to the desire to fondle her.
As if to reinforce the idea that she understood my desires, she broke the kiss as soon as I was about to overtake her.
Beatrice: "Ah... That was great. I can see how you make the young ones fall so easily... Gotta give it to Ellie, if I was her age I wouldn't be able to control myself."
Her kiss was different from any other I've had. Her power as a woman is on another level, if she had more experience I wouldn't have been able to fight back at all.
Beatrice: "If you want to rush home, we could get a few minutes without anyone suspecting a thing..."
Miwen: "Are you saying that because it's what you desire, or is it because you think it would be beneficial?"
Beatrice: "Hn... aren't you good at seeing through others..."
That much barely requires a mind.
To think the biggest challenge I've ever faced outside of the dungeon would be something like this.
I can barely contain my desire to pin her down even though we're in public, and yet, I must be strong enough to resist taking her for a quick ride back home.
Beatrice: "Even when fully clothed, I can tell through the stares that men can't help their instincts for my body. I think you would be happy no matter what."
Miwen: "Pfft... haha. Yeah, I would. Make no mistake though, Bea. I'm not a slave to my desires, and I've got no intention of being a puppet to your body, on the contrary, I'll only be satisfied after I've dominated you completely."
Beatrice: "That would be harder than becoming a true king. Even now I can see that you're barely holding back your instincts."
Miwen: "We'll see about that. But while you're right about my instincts, I can also tell that, while you premeditated all of this, you weren't expecting to feel so much from a simple kiss. You didn't answer me, Bea, is that because you now desire it, if just a bit, or perhaps, on a deeper level?"
Beatrice: "Hah... as I thought... we're much like one another."
Seems like I wasn't the only one who came to that conclusion.
It took me quite a lot of effort, and this only happened thanks to the special circumstances involved, but I was able to see through her just enough to see her weakness.
Surprisingly, is close to mine, though, due to a different reason.
She's extremely good at looking through others, but due to her lack of relationships, she can only see herself on a superficial level.
I indeed have a better time seeing through others than through myself, but I'm a bit more balanced, in the way that I can be somewhat true and understanding of a few of my desires, though not of them as she demonstrated.
The thing is... even while not being as good as she is, I can still see her on a deeper level than she sees herself.
So it's true that we're alike. But we're not equal.
After that exchange, however, it felt like we became closer to each other.
Normally, it might be uncomfortable for people to be in a relationship where a partner doesn't understand the other on somewhat equal grounds, so now that I proved I could match her, it felt like we could be more open to one another.
With her backup proving useless, she now had to deal with the fact that I now knew what she saw in me, and still accepted it either way.
It's strange how losing one's weapon and armor can be beneficial by making them more light, but that was the result. We were closer now that she showed me what she had been silently carrying.
Miwen: "Still... did you really have to go so much over budget?"
Bea: "Hm... I think might be a sore loser... also, this one was your fault."
Miwen: "You think? As I've said, you'll thank me later."
And so, the witch cast her spell, giving another person a load of things to reflect on.
This time though, her magic backfired a bit, and she started reflecting on herself.
When it comes to allegiances, the ability to improve the one you're sworn to might be even more important than serving them.
And when it comes to our relationship, I think it could be said the same.