Dao of the Bizarre Immortal

Chapter 274 - Method

Shortly after leaving the inn, Li Huowang once again arrived at the residence of the highest authority in all of Pi County. There were two stone lions at the entrance of the county government gate along with a large drum.

This time, Li Huowang didn't plan to sneak in. Instead, he openly walked to the entrance and had the people inside report to the county magistrate.

Perhaps if the others did the same, they might be considered unruly troublemakers and get thrown out. However, Li Huowang had two longswords on his back, a copper coin mask on his face, and was wearing a red Daoist robe. To top it off, he directly stated that he could help solve the genital retraction problem that the residents of Pi County were suffering from. As a result, he was immediately invited inside respectfully.

County Magistrate Yang Hongzhi lifted his blue-and-white porcelain teacup, used the lid to take out the tea leaves floating on the surface, and carefully took a sip. As he drank his tea, he re-evaluated the strange man before him. The man’s attire was bizarre, and he wasn’t quite able to guess his origin.

Based on the information he got from his head constable, this person came to Pi County with a troupe that performed pink shows. From the direction they had come from, it was likely that they came from the Qing Qiu region.

Most importantly, this person claimed that he could solve the genital retraction problem, something that had tormented him for a long time.

Since his own son was suffering from the problem, it was worth a try even if there was only a slight possibility of success.

As Yang Hongzhi observed Li Huowang, the latter was also carefully analyzing the various expressions on his face. After carefully interpreting the meaning behind his expressions, Li Huowang had an idea of what he should do next.

“Magistrate Yang, let’s talk about what’s going on. The Bureau is busy and has no time to waste, “ said Li Huowang, breaking the strange and awkward silence between them.

In order to quickly understand the details about the evil spirit causing genital retraction, and to obtain the assistance of the entire Pi County’s administration, Li Huowang had decided to pretend to be someone from the Surveillance Bureau. After all, given the situation, the local official should have already contacted the Bureau.

Since the problem still persisted, it meant one of two things; either the Surveillance Bureau had not yet arrived, or that they had arrived but had not yet solved this problem. Li Huowang could take advantage of this gap to achieve his own objectives.

Upon hearing Li Huowang mention the Bureau, Magistrate Yang was startled and accidentally scalded himself with the tea. He hastily put down the teacup and clasped his hands together before bowing toward Li Huowang. “My heavens! The Rites Department has finally sent someone! Ah, I’ve waited for quite a long time. I must have sent over a hundred letters through carrier pigeons! Each time, they only replied to get me to stabilize public sentiment and wait for good news. However, I can’t even calm myself, let alone the public sentiment!”

Seeing Yang Hongzhi continually expressing his struggles, Li Huowang felt more relieved. Since the magistrate believed him, he wouldn’t need to use the alternative explanation that he had prepared.

“Alright, Magistrate Yang, no time for idle chatter. Tell me about the whole story. How did this issue of genital retraction come about? And when did it start?” asked Li Huowang.

Compared to the waiter, the county magistrate should know quite a bit more. If he wanted to prepare himself before dealing with this so-called ghost that could not be seen or felt, he had to understand more about it.

“Ah! The whole issue started around this year’s Ghost Festival. Five miles east of this county, there was a night watchman at a graveyard...” began Magistrate Yang. However, he suddenly seemed to recall something and stopped as his mouth gaped open and fear crept onto his face.

“Go on, what happened next?” asked Li Huowang as he leaned slightly forward.

However, instead of answering Li Huowang’s question, the magistrate changed the topic, and bowed to Li Huowang with a troubled expression on his face. “Lord, please save the people of Pi County! This matter affects everyone’s lives!”

Li Huowang was about to ask again but suddenly stopped. He understood what the other party was hesitant about. This person also had the same reservations as the waiter who had died earlier.

“Are you afraid that the ghost will cause trouble for you if you speak? Relax, as long as you are courageous and tell me about it clearly, I’ll definitely be able to help you deal with these matters,” assured Li Huowang.

However, even after this reassurance from Li Huowang, Magistrate Yang didn’t show any joy on his face. Rather, he fearfully hid from Li Huowang as though trying to hide from the plague.

Soon after, he brought a few green-clothed constables back. Each of them held a small copper gong, and there was a red cloth bag covering each of the gongs. They surrounded Li Huowang and started chanting while continuously striking their gongs. “If there’s something strange, don’t blame the one handling the matter!”

Li Huowang watched the comical performance, and asked, “What are you doing? Is this method effective at solving the invisible ghost problem?”

Magistrate Yang nodded vigorously in response.

Li Huowang noticed that each of them held a large pair of tongs and firmly used it to clamp onto their middle fingers. They refused to let go even as their fingers started to bruise.

One of the constables who was sweating profusely from banging the gong, turned around and urgently said to Li Huowang, “Hurry! You’ve already been targeted by that thing! If you don’t want to start retracting, follow us quickly! We are all on the same boat, so do you think that I will try to harm you?”

This statement made Li Huowang instantly tense up. He reached out for a gong, and began to move in a circle while banging it.

At the same time, for some unknown reason, this series of events in Pi County gave him a strange feeling—a sense of familiarity mixed with disgust.

As he continued to ponder, the others surrounding him began to add new movements to their ritual. They draped the red bags containing the gongs on their necks and got down on all fours like turtles carrying their shells before crawling around the round table.

This scene was completely bizarre and absurd. At the same time, the others were all looking at him urgently, expecting him to follow suit.

Is this really effective? Where did they learn this from? How does this deal with the so-called ghost that steals people’s privates?

Just as Li Huowang held the gong and draped the red bag across his neck, the others suddenly spread their legs apart, as though preparing to urinate.

However, they were not urinating, and simply took off their pants. Then, they grabbed a handful of red chili powder from behind, and sprinkled it toward their genitals.

Even as they grimaced from the spiciness, these people dared not slow down and continued to crawl on the floor with the gongs on their backs, all the while sprinkling chili powder.

“Daoist, hurry! Follow us! If not, you’ll die soon!” shouted Magistrate Yang.

Watching this ridiculous scene unfold before him, Li Huowang’s brows furrowed as he slowly squatted down and picked up a handful of chili powder.

After a moment of hesitation, he slowly released his hand and watched as the bright-red spicy powder floated from his hand down to the ground.

Why do I feel like this is going overboard? Even if this world is mad, this is too preposterous! It’s like a farce!