Classless Ascension

Chapter 259: Very Fun Yoga!

Josh could only watch the shivering crowd with puzzlement. Why were they reacting so exaggeratedly? Had they run into a problem inside?

No matter how much he racked his brain, he couldn't find anything particularly scary in there. He had overachieved the challenges and had been close to death only once.

Except, even death shouldn't be an issue with the entry ticket. "So, what happened to you guys in there? How many Floors did you all complete?"

They all lowered their head in shame, looking extremely bleak. Josh had to stare at them for a good minute before a girl finally raised her hand. "Teacher, I managed to clear part one of the dog clan trial but failed the second part to protect them."

"Did anyone managed to clear more than one Floor?" Josh inquired.

*Insert cricket sound*

"Who managed to clear one floor then?" A few awkwardly raised their hands.

"All of you guys that only cleared Floor 3, lower them." It was back to 0. Josh nodded in realization.

"I know why you guys are having trouble: you lack adaptability. It would be best if you learned to use the environment to your advantage. There is only one Floor out of all of them that I cleared using 100% my power." Josh explained.

"What?!"

"Holy shit!"

"How godly!"

"This is unreal!"

Josh's statement shocked them all to the core. They couldn't believe their ears. He had cleared all the Floors?! For some, it was even more unbelievable. After all, 2/6 of them had seen Floor 420.

How crazy was it to picture him achieving victory on 420 Floors in a row! He even had enough energy afterward to happily smile. A single Floor had broken them all to various degrees. Was this feat even humanly possible?!

Then again, even if it weren't humanly possible, it wouldn't stop the one and only Josh Motherfucking Malum anyway…

A trainee raised his hand, full of wonder. "Teacher, which Floor required you to use 100% of your power?!" They all listened exceptionally attentively.

"You see, it was the very shitty one," Josh explained.

Most of the crowd was confused. What did this even mean? How bad could it be for even the smiling madman to describe it as very shitty? What kind of insane challenge would there be?!

But, others instantly understood what he meant. Their faces twisted in grimaces as they became pallid just thinking about it. But then they looked at Josh, wondering how he was so calm and composed.

"Psst— what is he talking about, do you know?" The ones that knew were easy to recognize and were soon asked to share their knowledge.

"No comment." All that experienced it were keeping their lips sealed tightly. At that moment, they all commonly agreed never to speak of it. It was far too shameful!

Plus, they couldn't wait for the others to suffer the same fate. Humans always dealt with misery better when it was shared. Such was life.

"Right, has anyone seen the peeps from Draconic? Team 7, Kasha?!" Josh called, but they were nowhere to be found. They were apparently still in the Tower, and chances were they were actually clearing Floors. It was the same for Dale, that Dumpling guy, and Roderick.

Everyone had their way of approaching these things. For instance, Tech Queen Alexa had gone into the Tower but had come out extremely relaxed. She had remained in the Mall, eating and drinking before coming back after finding the stones.

She happily described her experience to Josh:

"You know, the realism in there is phenomenal. If I can get that close with VR, then flavor wouldn't matter anymore. People could just eat tasteless mashed puree while connected online. Wouldn't that be amazing?!" She said with stars in her eyes.

"I guess…"

"People could even eat literal shit and find it delicious!" Alexa reiterated, sending many in PTSD mode. (To her absolute confusion)

As for Josh, he wanted to stick around a bit more to check on their progress. But, he was already bored of the sloths, so he decided to try something else:

"Alright, you all! Make sure everyone has had the chance to at least enter the Tower once. As for the ones that stay outside, I will be organizing a fun yoga activity. It's perfect for a break from the Tower!"

Many glanced at each other confused. Yoga? Was he for real? He had promised them all a world of pain beforehand, and sure the Tower was harsh, but yoga?! But, others had an inkling of what would happen.

"You guys, why do I feel like it won't be simple?"

"Because it's coming from a guy that headpats slothtrosities."

"Wait, didn't he just call the Tower fun a few minutes ago?!"

"Oh god!"

"Yes, whoever joins this activity has a death wish!"

"What will you guys do?"

"Join, obviously! I came here to train, not relax!"

"You're right! We may die, but we won't cower!"

That is how people joined Josh's yoga class with the resolve to die. The ones in the front row were all hardened warriors that had survived countless battles, but never had they been as stressed as they were now.

Josh couldn't help but feel weird about it. He had just said that on a whim, mainly because it sounded fun. Who wouldn't want to have Climbers follow one's movement to the letter? It brought such a sense of power!

But, he suddenly felt terrible. They seemed so intense and so committed. He could hear them whisper about how this was training in disguise. That's when he decided not to disappoint them.

How would the ones still naively thinking this would be fun and relaxing would have reacted if they knew? Badly or horribly? Perhaps there would have been the first training-related homicide.

"Are you guys ready? Make sure not to use mana, It's to train the body and spirit." Josh instructed, most nodding with diverse fright levels.

"Let's start with the warrior's pose!" Josh began to slightly emit killing intent, subtle enough for them not to notice.

"Now, let's try the camel pose!" + killing intent. Now they finally noticed.

"Now for the tree pose!" ++ killing intent. Many began grimacing.

"Do the crow like this!" +++ killing intent. Alexa ran over, extremely eager to join the training. Her face was even flushed red in excitement! She was probably trying to research killing intent.

"Now, the stressed Climber's pose!" ++++ killing intent. Many began showing very unsightly looks. They resisted the urge to release their bladder or vomit but struggled.

"Do the Duck Pose!" +++++ It was now a shitshow, literally. The ones that were still holding only did so because they had friends nearby that were still resisting. They didn't want to be the first to go down.

"Slothtrosity pose!" ++++++ killing intent. The yoga field was now a sea of dead fishes and/or sick fishes. None were in condition to keep going. All showed complete despair— except Alexa that was blissfully smiling even unconscious.

Josh smiled in satisfaction. He believed he had done a proper job and was happily grinning at them all. Of course, they'd have to clean up the mess, for he wouldn't do it! But, it was only one task added to the list anyway.

Josh headed to the cafeteria. Yes, they had one. He had personally asked for there not to be any magical food. Most Climber schools prided themselves on stuff like that, but he didn't care one bit.

Josh only cared about permanent buffs. This was because he was convinced that humanity was still pretty far from the top of the Tower, simply because all gods so far kept stressing how weak humans were.

He would wait to reach an actual bottleneck before relying on doping, not that it was bad. It just wasn't his style. As he ate the most basic but delicious of hot dogs, he kept thinking about how to help the Climbers progress better.

That's when it hit him. He had a flash of insight. What they needed was a competitive spirit. It had helped people a ton in the yoga activity. Now, people could always compare their performance by talking, but it would become dull soon enough.

Now, Josh had a great idea. He rushed to the Tower with such excitement while cackling loudly. A passerby curiously looked at him:

"Teacher, what's happening?"

"I got a great idea to spice the Tower challenge. I'm gonna try and see if it's possible."

Many looked at each other, weak in the knee. People were just waking up from the fun yoga. Now, this wouldn't just be fun, but also spicy?! Oh god. Many began praying, wondering if they would survive whatever was to come.

Josh disappeared, unaware of their worries.

[Welcome back. How is it going, brother?]

"Hey, AT! I've figured out something that is missing. Ah, two things, actually."

[Oh?]

"First of all, we need a method to restrict access to the training Tower, to make it VIP. Is this possible?"

[For sure, how do you want to assign it?]

"Pretty much anyone that is my student should be able to access it, but not strangers."

[Fair enough, how do we differentiate. Do you want a secret sign or something?]

"Can we assign admins that can give people permission?"

[Sure, who do you have in mind?]

"The people from Draconic, Dale, and probably Frank, our official recruiter."

[Alright, done!]

"Alright, now for the second idea. People lack motivation and feel like the Floors are impossible."

[Do you want me to tone the difficulty down a little?]

"Nope, I have something way cooler in mind! We will introduce…."

[*Drum Roll*]

"A leaderboard for every Floor!"

[Damn! That's great! Alright, give me a second, and I'll compile it.]

"Nice!"

[Great news, it is done, and people are avidly checking it out right now!]

"Perfect!"

Josh then wasted some time eating illusory brownies and drinking fake coffee while pondering his next step. It would soon be time to open the school to other Climbers.

Meanwhile, plenty of current students were about to lose their shit completely, all thanks to that one update….