Age of Heroes (Age of Heroes Chronicles)

Chapter 150: Loneliness

Arial did not grieve his own impending death in his tent. Instead he tries to force himself to die facing death.

He is not worried about himself but he does worry about the people he will left behind.

His father

The man who without any doubt supported him, his pillar, that gives him assurance. The one who always believe in him and the good in the people hearts.

Then he is reminded of his mother

A sophisticated woman who cares about the family, a smart woman, the woman he loves first, that bear the pain of bringing him to the world. And while she is wise, she still nags at him time to time.

And he knew she do it because she loves him.

The duty of love she said.  Looking after him, loving him, giving him affection, that, is a duty of love.

Not many people have that kind of strength to love unreservedly for others and he have never been more proud to be his mother son.

Then there is still his younger sister

His cute sister with her tiny hands and tiny feet, who he rarely meets, and at this moment, he wishes he had spent more time with her as her brother.

A duty of love his mother would say. To meet her and give her a brother love.

It is not easy to love and at the same time not pamper them. Because by Light, he wanted to give her everything in the world.

Now that he knows he is going to die, he could not help but sort out his priority.

After this war ends he decided that he will spend more time with his family. All of them. He doesn't want to leave any regrets

His father who is growing old every day, and his busy mother who have to handle the matter of the household finance, and his sister.

And his Helia?

What should he do about her?

He could not marry her. Not the way he is now. He will not make her a widow. He did not love her to make her a widow!

And as he is thinking about all of this thing he suddenly remembered a portion of a happy memories.

He remembers the sandy beaches near her castle in Sea Worth.

He remembers the season that passed by there, the cheerful voice of true love that whispers him love song, Helia lustrous voice, that sounds like an angel singing, the dazzling sun shining upon them.

He remembers the time he spends with Helia with the sun beating on their skin, holding her smooth hand under the blue sky as they talk and talk for hours, talking about nothing.

It was at the time when they are not yet spoken to each other,

At that time, they were in the Academy

They stop at Sea Worth and Arial urges her to return to her castle to meet her father. She refused because at that time she did not yet reconcile with her father

Instead they did play around the castle. He remembers many other little details.

The way she asks him What are you thinking? at the end of the day. He remembers the summer that feels like the sun will never set, as he rests his head on her lap and she kissed his forehead gently.

He smiles remembering all of this memory. The signs were all there that she loved him.

Now, thinking about all of these memories, he couldn't believe he was that dense. At that time, he thought it was a kiss of friendship but...maybe he should have known by then.

Waves of memories washed over him and before he knew it, he found himself crying without a voice.

A silent cry not for fear of death, but the fear of leaving these people that he has known and love.

He will remember it till his dying days as he decided what he must do.

As he stands in his tent all alone, he grabs the goblet on his bedtable.

He pours some water to quench his sudden thirst. He could hear the cheerful atmosphere in the outside.

All of them is rejoicing the news that their young lord has awaken from his unconsciousness but only him felt no joy.

What he felt right now is an utter loneliness, more intense kind of loneliness than the feeling he felt when he died in the basement of that Library.

And the pain strikes his heart this time. but it is not the pain of the poison. Loneliness. That is the pain he is feeling right now.

Utter, desolate loneliness. The kind of loneliness that breaks people, that brings them into the brink of insanity.

Because this loneliness that he felt can only be felt so profoundly like this because of the bonds he makes. He felt pain because he loves.

He could not share his affliction else they are made public and jeopardize the stability of this new kingdom and his own House.

And he couldn't risk that. His family safety. He has to fight this alone like he has always been doing.

The knowledge of the Invasion and the knowledge that he is about to die in two years. And this makes his loneliness unbearable.

Can such burden be carried alone? And knowing that, only makes it harder. The two most important secret of his life...and he couldn't share it with anyone.

The secret of his life and his death. He is like that candle that burns bright. The brighter it burns, the shorter its life.

But dying does not worry and pain him that much. It is the loneliness of his life that inflict the other part of the pain in his life.

The loneliness that suffocates, secrets that demand sacrifice.

He could not describe why he felt such loneliness? This is not solitude. This is loneliness of the most awful kind.

The most awful of them. Is it because what he decided to do?

For a moment thoughts of war did not enter his mind. For one moment, he strayed and forgot all that he should do. For one moment, his misery takes priority.

For a moment, he is aware of his own existence, the form of a monstrous selfishness. He then said it to himself.

'This pain and loneliness is mine. This nerve that winces and writhed under my skins belongs to me and no other.'

Beginning and ends. He thought.

And the darkness that blankets over him all of his life. And the only thing he could do is press on and march, all the while wiping his tears of frustration and overcome his fears.

It is already a miracle that he is here, living another life, being what he is today.

He approached the tent entrance, fully dressed. He laughs a bit.

Then he takes a step forward, with all the burdens, the pain and the torment, opening the curtain as he walked outside the tent, hoping, praying that at least, if he was destined to have a short life, let it be a glorious one.

******************************************************************************

Arial lamenting his fate. I think I remember one certain hero who also lament his life before his death. Hmm....

Anyway, see you all tomorrow and dont forget to vote and leave some comments