Why Are You So Obsessed With Rejecting Affection?

As they left the orphanage, Ebalt continued to read the emperors emotions.

His child is not in this orphanage either.

The emperor saw all the children around six to seven years old, but he did not feel any spiritual power from them.

He couldnt even see a child that resembled him or the deceased empress.

A-Are you alright?

Im fine. Lets leave immediately.

The emperor answered calmly and entered the carriage.

He briefly looked outside the window, staring at the places within the grand dukes territory, however, they all meant nothing in front of the emperors disheartened eyes.

How nice it would be if my child was in that orphanage.

His lips formed a sorrowful smile as he watched a silver carriage pass by.

He couldnt stand the anger that was forming inside his chest.

Using his power, he draws all the curtains inside the carriage.

Slowly, his hair fluttered and the curtains moved by themselves to cover the windows.

The interior of the carriage darkened as if the light was swallowed by the blue curtains that covered the windows.

My child, my child, my child!

His precious child.

Whether his child is a prince or a princess, he promised to love them unconditionally.

His child is not by his side right now, but he wanted to keep that promise.

He spent six years searching.

Everyone thought that the emperor was strange for looking for his dead child.

It was because his other wife, Elena, testified that the baby was dead.

The baby was born, but it died after birth.

The empire has a belief that a baby who died after birth would bring misfortune, so a funeral should be held within three days.

The empress, who gave birth to the child, was weakened and died soon after.

The emperor lost two of his loved ones because of something he had been looking forward to.

He didnt even get to see them properly before that. It was because the empress went to the west of the empire, where Elena, the emperors concubine, helped the empress during her pregnancy and parturition.

(T/N: In the previous chapters, I referred to Elena as empress since she was called or hwangbi which means the emperors other wife. I concluded that she is the current empress after the previous empress died so I kept calling her that in the previous chaps because Elena is also married to the emperor, so imagine my shock when I read that she even interacted with the previous empress when shes already a Im gonna call her concubine now . I thought that concubines are not married since they are referred to as mistress so I didnt refer to her as concubine and that was a mistake on my part. I asked a staff member what I should call Elena and she said concubine would be appropriate which I also agree, so now I will be calling her concubine instead of empress or the emperors other wife if stated in Korean like earlier, when Elenas name was first mentioned . To make things clear, the real empress is Shuelinas mother, while I mistakenly referred to the one behind Shuelinas troubles as empress when it should be concubine. Im really sorry for the misunderstanding.)

He couldnt see the empress in her last moments because he couldnt leave the palace empty. When he arrived, he could only embrace his wifes dead body.

Nobody believes that my child is alive.

He firmly believes that his child is still alive. Its because he felt the spirit that had been expressed when the baby was born.

But he never sensed that power again since then.

His child is six years old now and will turn seven years old soon. Hes sure that theyre wandering somewhere, waiting for their parents.

It was then that the emperors expression darkened.

In case there were people who tried to hide the seeds of the royal family, the nobles, the wealthy commoners, and all the newly adopted children were investigated.

But his child was nowhere to be found.

My child cant be dead.

It was what his intuition told him.

Perhaps its a sixth sense shared only by those with the same royal blood.

Even though the emperor knew he was being irrational, he had no choice but to cling to that small ray of hope.

To find his child, he visited orphanages all over the empire.

Of course, he established a law that no child should be left unattended on the streets.

Everyone praised him as a good emperor, but in fact, he did not do it with such pure intentions.

The concubine

If the child was brought somewhere, the concubine would benefit the most.

For that reason, he had the concubine and the Marquess of Boutild thoroughly investigated, but they didnt find anything suspicious.

They have no inducement to kidnap the baby.

The crown prince is firmly established.

Azuela, the concubines daughter, could never become an emperor.

Was there any reason to remove the empress second child?

However, one thing is clear to him, it is the fact that his child is wandering somewhere right now instead of being in their familys arms.

He was heartbroken for six years.

Just imagining his beloved child all alone and hurting made him feel like his heart was being torn apart.

He was obliged to keep his promise to his wife, to raise their children as happy and healthy kids.

It was the last gift his beloved wife left him just before she died, yet he couldnt even protect it.

This older brother had been waiting for you and the childs arrival, but why are you alone?

The eldest son, Lucas, was eagerly waiting for his younger sibling, whom his late mother left behind.

In the palace, where no one believes that the child is alive, Lucas is the only one who believes his words.

I was going to give Shuelve a piggyback ride and teach them swordsmanship when they arrive.

The childs face looked distressed when he said this.

He had been looking forward to it since he was very young and ended up disappointed all the time.

The emperor knows that his sons room is stocked with gifts he had collected for his sibling.

The childs face, which had been looking forward to seeing his father arrive with his sibling, became gloomy.

Father, I want this.

Father!

I love you, Father. Im here to give you these flowers.

He recalled his six-year-old daughter, Azuela.

He always felt sorry whenever he thought of her.

A child born from him and the woman he hates the most, Concubine Elena.

He couldnt remember sleeping with the concubine even once.

He could never think of another woman who is not the empress as his wife.

Because the empress came from a weak family, the emperor was forced to accept another woman for a political marriage.

It was on the day that he drank a strange drink that something happened between him and his concubine. His memory of that event was foggy and he couldnt remember a single thing.

However, the aide, who keeps a close eye on the emperors every move, wrote down all his bedtime activities in great detail.

The escort knight also heard a lot of sounds coming from the room, so he couldnt deny it.

At first, he couldnt even look at Azuela without feeling angry. She was a daughter whom he couldnt love at all.

An unwanted child with the concubine, she was bound to have a great distance from his heart.

It was common to see a child do their best to be loved.

Is it the childs fault that she was born?

Everyone said, The youngest is already dead, so bury her in your heart and raise the living ones well.

Even though he cannot forget his lost child.

Shuelve, where could you be wandering right now, away from Daddys arms

Six years have passed already.

He thought it shouldve been enough time to find his child.

He had a strange feeling that he would finally find them today.

However, he had almost traveled the entire empire, even coming to the grand dukes territory, yet he still couldnt find his child.

He doesnt have any idea how to find them now. He felt so hopeless.

He clutched his chest as tears fell from his eyes. The crumpled part of his clothes almost got torn as he clenched it tightly.

His quiet sobs got harder, his shoulders shaking.

But I cant give you up. Daddy will definitely find you.

After crying for a long while, the emperor wiped his tears and arranged his clothes, making it look presentable.

If he cant find his child, he will just search every nook and cranny of the empire.

He cant give up on his child yet.

Perhaps he wont ever give up.

* * *

Uhm, Wucy, I would wike to ask you a favow.

(Uhm, Lucy, I would like to ask you a favor.)

I said quietly over the soup that Lucy brought in earlier.

Go on, mlady.

The grand duke ordered Lucy to monitor my condition, so she stayed here with me since last night.

She must be a very busy maid.

Lucy stopped knitting and walked to me.

This is the first time youre going to ask me a favor, Im glad.

Strangely, her expression looked pleased.

Im definitely going to ask a favor, but why is Lucy happy? Most people dislike being asked for a favor

It seems like Lucy is in a good mood.

I cant do what I want by myself, so Id be glad if Lucy helps me.

Im going to have my pwictuwe taken today and I hope the the pwictuwe comes out pwetty this twime.

(Im going to have my picture taken today and I hope the picture comes out pretty this time.)

I cant continue being an encumbrance.

The sooner I carry out my duties, the more the grand duke and his family will like me.

The first picture was taken on my first day here, at the entrance of the mansion with my miserable-looking self

In the second picture, I will show them a completely different side.

I must have an overall transformation to surprise people.

Lucy was surprised when she saw that I was about to cry.

I dont want to wook ugwy when many peopwe wi see me

(I dont want to look ugly when many people will see me)

Mlady, why are you worried when youre so cute and lovely?

Lucy looked at me curiously.

I only lifted my hair up. My hairs texture looks good on the outside, but in fact, its dry and has split ends.

The back of my hands were pale and dry.

When I licked my lips, I felt the cracks on my dry lips.

Im much better now that Lucy washed me

But I still have a long way to go.

I won the title of the prettiest child in the orphanage.

But when I saw the grand duke, I wasnt sure if I was pretty enough for everyone to like me.

I have to look pretty and cute in the eyes of everyone, no matter who looks at it.

If I had Lucys help, I felt like I could look like a proper lady to anyone, not barbarous.

But now I want to wook even pwettie.

(But now I want to look even prettier.)

I see. Its mladys first request, so of course I have to do it.

Lucy asked me to wait for a while and left the room.

What is it?

I sat on the sofa with a long face and finished the soup.

Lucy wont lie. Im just going to sit here until she comes back.

Mlady, weve made you wait for a while, havent we?

Lucy came back, together with other maids.

Ive brought someone who can trim hair well and someone who is good with fingernails.

Theywe diffewent?

(Theyre different?)

Yes, each has her own specialty.

Standing next to Lucy, the two maids bowed politely.

The maids took me to the vanity table at the corner of the room.

My reflection in the mirror showed my long hair that had never been trimmed.

Oh my word, mladys hair I couldnt tell it was like this because it looked as bright as the sun!

The maid, who touched the ends of my hair, whispered.

My golden hair was so shiny like jewels that it didnt even look dry when it actually is.

But we still need to trim it. Mlady has grown it well, however

I heard the snap of a scissor. It was a little scary when the big, gruesome, blades of the scissor grazed by my face.

While my hair is being trimmed, another maid is tending to my fingernails. It didnt hurt my hands at all, but it was a bit scary.

I could only bear everything because Lucy is doing something on my face.

Come on, look at yourself. Mlady has gotten much prettier.

I looked at myself in the mirror when she said that. I could see that my hair was trimmed neatly, and my face alone looked completely different.

One of the maids opened a glass bottle and sprayed on my hair. The sweet scent of flowers spread around me.

It smews good and its spawkwing!

(It smells good and its sparkling!)

Its a hair perfume. Your hair will soften with this too.

The gentle scent of the perfume rubbed my nose, which quickly made me feel drowsy.

Everytime I move my head, I can smell the rose fragrance of the perfume.

It has a sweet smell and its pretty!

It was a lovely scent. The scent reminds me of a cute little child.

Did she prepare it for me?

So she didnt even have to ask? Lucy was really thinking of making me look pretty first, so Im grateful to her.

Mlady is so pretty. You look just like an angel!

The maid, who was polishing my nails, clapped her hands and laughed.

Do I weally wook pwetty?

Of course. Such a pretty lady like you is uncommon.

Lucy answered as she gently made me stand up.