Conquering His Cold Heart

274 Overthinking

Even after Zenon left his study room, Caspian kept on sitting there with his back leaning against the backrest of his chair and his vacant gaze falling at the empty chair in front of him.

Although he was feeling tired and wanted to sleep while embracing his wife’s warm body, he couldn’t bring himself to go to her chambers. The fact that he asked Zenon to carry out an investigation on her was making him feel uneasy to the core.

‘How will she react if she later finds out that I am digging up information about her?’ he clutched his fists together and wondered. ‘She will surely be unhappy if she finds that out. And she might even get angry at me for suspecting that her brother was hiding something.’

He could already imagine Anastasia’s angry face and her accusing glare.

Caspian knitted his brows together and then convinced himself otherwise. ‘But what if it’s something serious? Wouldn’t Anna be happy to know the truth about her own health?’

His face turned gloomy again. And he argued with himself. ‘But what if Alexander is hiding something because it’s not something that’s too serious and he didn’t want Anastasia or me to get too worried.’

Caspian closed his tired eyes and thought back to each and every little detail that the doctor from Xanmar had told them.

He repeated some of that doctor’s sentences that were stuck in his head, “Her body looks really weak for some reason. Does she get sick too often?”

He opened his eyes and sighed exasperatedly. “He somehow knew that she gets sick very often. And he was trying to say why he thought so. It was clearly happening not just due to the fatigue but because of something else.”

.....

“There must be some serious reason behind her illness. That doctor looked very concerned when he was checking her neck and her back,” Caspian concluded on his own.

“But if there’s something serious, and if Alexander knows about it, shouldn’t he have told me what it was? Why was he trying to conceal it so badly? And what about Anna? Is she or is she not aware that he is hiding something?”

Caspian shook his head and scoffed at his own thought. “Of course, she is not! Else she would have already told me all about it. She doesn’t have to hide anything from me.”

While Caspian was busy thinking about Anastasia and her health, Anastasia on the other hand was still waiting for Caspian to come to the room.

Although it was way past her bedtime, she was still lying down on the bed with her eyes wide open in that dark room.

While waiting for her husband to arrive, all sorts of things were coming to her mind. And the thing that was occupying her mind the most was Everard.

The facts that she learned about Everard from her brother came as a shock to her. Though she had maintained her composure in front of her brother and her husband, now that she was alone and she had the whole night at her disposal, she couldn’t help but overthink everything.

‘Since when did he become that monster? Was he born that way? Or was he forcefully turned into one? Is it even possible to turn a human into a monster?’

Anastasia racked her brain for a while and thought to herself, ‘I don’t think people can be turned into something so terrifying.’

‘Whatever the origin, the only thing that matters is that Everard is also one of them. And now he is the King. Will he even be able to rule over the humans when he himself isn’t one?’

Anastasia was more worried about the fate of the people of Xanmar and also about the fate of the people of the neighboring Kingdoms of Xanmar.

‘What if that attack on us was indeed instigated by Everard? That would only prove that his humanity has already left him. I dread the future if that’s true. He cannot be trusted to maintain the peace among the Kingdoms.’

Her mind suddenly traveled back to the time when Everard had kissed her. The glowing yellow eyes kept on haunting her every minute. She tightly shut her eyes and shook her head as if to shake that image off of her head.

She opened her eyes and took a deep breath. And she couldn’t help but be scared. ‘What if he is still harboring feelings towards me? Else why would he do that? And what if he tried to take Caspian down for marrying me?’

She slapped herself on her forehead and tried to deny it. ‘No, why would he still have feelings towards me? He might have done that because he was too drunk to distinguish between right and wrong.’

She darted her eyes around the dark room and ran countless possibilities in her head. ‘But what if he acted upon his inner desire because he was too drunk to care about his status? Wouldn’t that mean that he hasn’t yet given up on me?’

‘And if it is true that he is that dangerous, wouldn’t that put Caspian in danger too? What if he attacks Sorvando just because of me? And what if he attacks Orsenia too just to get back at my parents? Now that he is the King, he has the authority to act however he wants.’

The more she went down the rabbit hole, the more she was afraid that people who were dear to her were going to get hurt because of her existence alone.

She couldn’t stop overthinking and fearing for everyone’s safety.

The very friend who was once very dear to her was now slowly turning into the very person who haunted her.

Anastasia closed her eyes and prayed to God from the depth of her heart, ‘Dear lord! I haven’t talked to you in a long while. Yes, I was angry at you for making my life a living hell. But right now, it looks like my life is about to take an even worse turn. Not just my life, but everyone who I hold dear in my heart.’

She was so scared that even her inner voice was trembling. She took a deep breath and joined her palms over her chest.

And she continued her prayer, ‘If you have some pity left in you, please make sure that you protect everyone who is close to my heart. Please don’t extend my bad luck to all the others around me. I want to be the only one to bear the burden of that bad luck. Please, God. Listen to this poor child at least once.’